How do we adapt rules for a SEN child without siblings crying unfair? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child with special educational needs (SEN) requires adapted rules, such as a later bedtime, extra reminders, or more leniency with certain tasks, their siblings may protest that it is ‘unfair’. If this is not explained with wisdom and care, resentment can begin to build. The goal is to balance the compassion required for the SEN child with a sense of fairness for their siblings, all while keeping unity at the heart of family life. 

Explain Fairness as Meeting Individual Needs 

It is important to explain to the siblings that fairness in your family means giving each person what they uniquely need, not giving everyone the exact same thing. You can use simple, relatable analogies, such as explaining how one person in a family might need glasses to see clearly while another does not. This approach frames individual differences as normal and necessary, rather than as a form of favouritism. 

Ensure Every Child Feels Valued 

To ensure that no child feels overlooked, make a deliberate effort to give each of them their own unique privileges or responsibilities. This shows them they are individually seen and valued. For example, one child might get extra reading time with a parent, another might be entrusted with an important family responsibility, and a third might enjoy a special one-on-one outing. This prevents the adapted rules for the SEN child from being the only visible difference in how they are treated. 

Offer Age-Appropriate Explanations 

Without overloading the siblings with complex information, provide a simple and respectful explanation. You could say, ‘Your brother needs some extra reminders from us because his brain works a little differently. That is how Allah Almighty made him, and it is our family’s job to help him grow strong and confident’. This keeps the conversation rooted in love and respect, not pity. 

Maintain Consistency on Core Family Rules 

While some rules may need to be adapted, it is crucial that your core family rules remain consistent for everyone. This applies especially to rules around safety, mutual respect, and truthfulness. Children are quick to notice when exceptions are made for convenience rather than out of genuine necessity. 

By framing individual differences as part of Allah’s beautiful and diverse design, and by ensuring every child feels uniquely recognised and valued, you can greatly reduce cries of ‘unfair’ while protecting the dignity and confidence of your SEN child. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches deep compassion for those with different abilities and steadfast fairness for all. As parents, we are entrusted to uphold justice in our homes while showing abundant mercy, carefully balancing both without neglecting anyone’s needs. 

Differences as Part of Allah’s Divine Plan 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that our differences in ability, appearance, and needs are part of Allah’s divine plan. It teaches that true honour lies not in being treated identically, but in our individual piety and righteousness. 

The Family as a Single, Compassionate Body 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2586, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body: when any limb aches, the whole body responds with sleeplessness and fever.’ 

This beautiful Hadith provides the perfect model for a family. It teaches us that compassion for the unique needs of one family member is a shared responsibility for all. When one member requires extra support, the whole family should respond with mercy and understanding, not resentment. 

By teaching your siblings that true fairness means giving each person what they need, you nurture both empathy and justice in your home. Your children grow up understanding that love and mercy are not divided but multiplied when they are guided by Islamic values.