How do they say, “I do not like that joke,” and keep the friendship? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child hears a joke that makes them feel uncomfortable, perhaps because it is unkind, too personal, or just plain mean, they can often freeze. They may begin to think, ‘If I say something, they will think that I cannot take a joke.’ Yet, their silence can leave them feeling uneasy, while a direct confrontation can risk creating tension in the group. Teaching your child how to express their discomfort in a way that is firm but also kind can help them to balance two core skills: honesty and empathy. It can show them that it is possible to stand up for a sense of respect without having to stand apart from their friends. 

Teaching Respectful Honesty Without Causing Rejection 

You can explain to your child that being a friend does not mean that you have to laugh at everything a person says. You could say, ‘It is okay to enjoy humour, but if something feels wrong to you, you do not have to laugh just to try to fit in.’ This can reassure your child that their own sense of kindness and of confidence can coexist. When they are able to learn to express their boundaries in a calm and clear way, they are modelling a form of strength that is wrapped in a sense of care for others. 

Helping Them to Choose the Right Tone and Timing 

The way that your child speaks in these moments can matter just as much as what they say. You can teach them to use a relaxed and even tone of voice, one that is neither angry nor embarrassed. You could also role-play some short, natural, and honest phrases at home. 

• ‘I like laughing with you, but that joke was not very funny to me.’ 

• ‘I do not really like that one. Can we skip it?’ 

• ‘That one felt a little bit mean. Let us talk about something else now.’ 

It is important to remind them that people will usually hear their tone of voice before they hear their words, and that a sense of calmness can often prevent the other person from becoming defensive. 

Building the Skill of Setting Steady Boundaries 

Help your child to understand that voicing their discomfort is not about judging other people; it is about taking care of their own values. You can say, ‘It is not rude to say what is right for you. It is how other people will learn to respect you.’ You can also explain to them that real friends do not need to have a constant sense of agreement between them; they just need to have a mutual sense of respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages a sense of joy and of laughter, but it also places an equal, if not greater, importance on the qualities of dignity and of kindness. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ smiled often and enjoyed a great deal of light-hearted conversation, yet he never mocked or hurt anyone with his words. Teaching your child to be able to say, ‘I do not like that joke,’ with a sense of calm and of respect is a part of living this beautiful prophetic balance of finding laughter without cruelty, and of speaking the truth without a sense of pride. 

The Quranic Guidance on Avoiding Mockery 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them; and let not the women (ridicule) other women, as perhaps they may be better than them; and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’ 

This verse teaches us about the deep and lasting harm that mockery can cause, and it highlights the fact that a person’s true worth is known only to Allah. When your child is able to calmly object to an unkind joke, they are helping to protect the dignity that Allah values so highly, both their own and that of other people. 

The Prophetic Example of Considerate Speech 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6478, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, a servant may utter a word that pleases Allah without considering it significant, and Allah will raise him in degrees because of it.’ 

This hadith reminds us that even one small, kind, and thoughtful statement can hold an immense value in the sight of Allah. When your child is able to say, ‘That joke did not feel right,’ with a sense of kindness and of composure, it may seem like a small thing, but in the eyes of Allah, it is an act of both truthfulness and of mercy. 

Teaching your child how to speak up without hurting the feelings of others can help them to build one of life’s rarest and most valuable skills: the ability to combine a sense of honesty with a sense of compassion. They can learn from these experiences that our boundaries do not have to break our friendships; they can in fact strengthen them. 

Your own calm coaching can help them to understand that our laughter should never have to come at the expense of another person, and that voicing our discomfort with a sense of warmth can often inspire other people to be kinder too. 

In time, your child will come to see that protecting the hearts of others while still keeping a sense of humour is not always easy, but it is what can make our friendships feel genuine and true. When they are able to speak with kindness for the sake of Allah, even their smallest utterance of, ‘I do not like that joke,’ can become not just a defence of their own manners, but an act of faith, of grace, and of a quiet moral courage.