How do I teach volume control so excitement doesn’t sound like aggression? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often express their excitement with raised voices, whether they are shouting during a game, calling out loudly while telling a story, or speaking over others in their eagerness. To an adult, especially one who is feeling tired, this high volume can sometimes sound more aggressive than joyful. The goal is not to dampen your child’s enthusiasm, but to help them learn to regulate their volume so that their excitement can be shared respectfully and does not overwhelm others. 

Explain the Difference Between Excitement and Aggression 

You can start by naming the issue in simple and non-judgmental terms. You might say, “Your voice sounds very loud right now because you are excited, not because you are angry. But it is important to know that when our voices get too loud, other people might think we are upset.” This helps to separate their intention from the impact and helps your child to understand how their volume can affect how other people feel. 

Use a Simple ‘Volume Scale’ 

You can teach your child a simple one-to-five scale to help them become more aware of their volume. For example: 

• 1 = A whisper 

• 2 = Quiet talking 

• 3 = Normal conversation voice 

• 4 = An excited indoor voice 

• 5 = An outdoor shout 

You can practise this scale with them in a playful way by saying, “Can you tell me your favourite food in a level-three voice?” and then, “Now, can you shout your favourite sport in a level-five voice?” This playful practice helps to build their awareness and gives you a shared language for future reminders. 

Create a Family Cue for a Reset 

It is helpful to agree on a gentle and discreet signal to use when their volume is getting too high. This could be a simple tap on your ear or a quiet phrase like, “Level three, please.” This approach helps to avoid shaming and keeps the correction brief and effective. Children often respond much better to a clear, non-argumentative cue than to constant reminders to “Stop shouting!” 

Practise Excitement with Control 

You can role-play scenarios where excitement is a natural response, such as winning a board game. During this practice, you can help them to cheer in a “level-four” voice that is lively but not overwhelming. This reinforces the idea that their joy can be shared without drowning out the voices of others. 

Reinforce Positive Examples 

When your child manages to share some exciting news with you calmly, make sure to notice it. For example, “I really liked how you told me that story with so much energy but without shouting. It made it much easier for me to enjoy it with you.” This positive reinforcement helps the respectful habit to stick. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child: (shouting) ‘Guess what happened at school today?!’ 

Parent: ‘I can hear your excitement, and I love it. Can you please try telling me in a level-three voice so I can enjoy it fully?’ 

Child: (lowers their voice) ‘Guess what happened at school today?’ 

Parent: ‘That is perfect! That helps me to hear you so clearly.’ 

This approach allows you to validate their excitement while also teaching them to be respectful of their volume. This keeps the joy in the interaction while reducing the intensity. Teaching volume control is about creating awareness, providing simple tools, and reinforcing calm expression. Your child can learn that they do not have to suppress their excitement, but only to guide it so that it builds connection instead of tension. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that believers should use their speech in a way that nurtures harmony and avoids causing discomfort to others. The volume of our voice is a part of this etiquette. 

Gentleness in Expression Protects Relationships 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 19: 

‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys.’ 

This verse shows that the volume of our voice matters in how other people perceive us. It links the act of lowering one’s voice to dignity and respect. Teaching this to our children gives them a spiritual reason to keep their excitement joyful but measured; their voices should be a source of upliftment, not a cause of unease. 

The Prophet’s Model of Calm Speech 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2027, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Haya (modesty) and calmness are a branch of Faith, and indecency and loudness are a branch of hypocrisy.’ 

This Hadith directly links a person’s volume and their behaviour to the state of their faith. It can help our children to understand that lowering the voice and speaking calmly is not just a matter of politeness, but is a beautiful part of their iman. 

By linking volume control to these Islamic values, children learn that their voices are not just sounds, but are in fact reflections of their character and their belief. Over time, they will discover that true excitement can be shared most powerfully when it carries a sense of joy without sounding harsh or overwhelming.