How do I teach that true apology means not repeating the same hurt? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can often see an apology as a quick ‘reset button’, but if they repeat the same hurtful behaviour, the apology begins to lose its meaning. It is important to teach them that their words must be supported by their actions. The lesson should be gentle but firm: while mistakes are a normal part of life, repeating the same one without any effort to improve shows a lack of sincerity. 

Explain the Difference Between Words and Change 

You can tell your child, ‘When you say you are sorry but then keep doing the same thing, it makes the other person feel that your words do not count. A true apology means that you will try your best not to do it again.’ Using this kind of clear language helps to connect the idea of sincerity with real effort. 

Help Them Reflect on the Impact of Repetition 

Ask your child a simple, reflective question: ‘How would you feel if someone kept teasing you, said they were sorry, and then did it all over again the next day?’ This simple question makes them think from the perspective of the person they have hurt, which helps to build their empathy. 

Teach Practical Steps to Avoid Repetition 

If the hurt they caused came from pushing, you can teach them to walk away when they feel frustrated instead. If it came from unkind words, you can practise using calmer phrases together. Showing them a positive alternative equips your child with the tools they need to succeed, rather than falling back into old habits. 

Reinforce Progress with Positive Feedback 

When you see your child making a real effort to change their behaviour, be sure to acknowledge it. A quiet word of praise like, ‘I saw that you stopped yourself from saying that unkind thing again. That shows me your apology was real,’ makes them value their own growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, a sincere repentance (tawbah nasooh) requires not only that we seek forgiveness but also that we make a conscious and sincere effort not to return to the same wrong. This principle can be beautifully mirrored in how we teach our children about sincere apologies in their daily lives. 

The Call to Sincere Repentance 

The Quran reminds us that our repentance to Allah must be sincere, which implies a firm intention not to fall back into the same mistake after we have sought forgiveness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verses 8: 

‘ O you people, who are believers, seek repentance from your Sustainer with sincere contrition…’ 

Learning from Mistakes 

The prophetic tradition teaches us that when our wrongs are followed by a sincere and lasting change, they can be erased as if they never happened. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4250, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who repents from sin is like the one who never sinned.’ 

By linking the concept of an apology to the Islamic principle of sincere repentance, you can help your child to see that their words are only the beginning. True honour and strength come when they support those words with a real change in their behaviour, which is a lesson that will shape their character in their friendships, family life, and faith.