How do I teach that real strength is not in copying violence? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child copies violent behaviour, it is often because they associate it with power, control, or gaining attention. They may mistakenly believe that being rough or forceful is a sign of strength. As a parent, it is vital to teach them that true strength is found not in overpowering others, but in self-control, helpfulness, and kindness. 

Redefining the Meaning of Strength 

Children need a new definition of what it means to be strong. You can help them by painting a different picture of strength. 

• Show them examples of bravery that involve patience, fairness, or helping someone in need. 

• Use simple, everyday language: ‘Being strong means you can stay calm, even when you feel upset.’ 

• Point out role models such as older siblings, teachers, or athletes who demonstrate their strength through discipline and respect, not aggression. 

Using Everyday Scenarios as Teachable Moments 

When your child imitates a violent action, use it as an opportunity to pause and guide them towards a better understanding. 

• Say something like, ‘Pushing someone might seem powerful, but it hurts them. Real strength is choosing to stop and use your words instead.’ 

• Offer praise when you see them exercising self-control: ‘You stayed calm even when you were feeling cross. That showed real strength.’ 

Providing Healthy Outlets for Energy 

Children have a natural need to feel capable and powerful. This energy should be channelled into positive and constructive activities. 

• Enrol them in sports or martial arts where respect and self-control are core principles. 

• Give them small, age-appropriate responsibilities at home to help them feel capable and trusted. 

• Encourage physical activities like running, climbing, or cycling, which allow them to release energy in a safe way. 

Modelling Self-Control as the Ultimate Strength 

Your own reactions provide the most powerful lesson. When you remain calm under pressure, your child learns that strength is synonymous with steady self-control. When you apologise for losing your patience, they learn that humility is also a form of strength. Over time, your consistent guidance will help them understand that copying violence is a sign of weakness, whereas choosing patience and kindness is a mark of true power. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam fundamentally redefines strength, moving it away from physical dominance towards the inner fortitude of patience, forgiveness, and self-control. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 43: 

‘ And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.‘ 

This verse teaches us that patience and forgiveness are far greater forms of strength than retaliation. Instilling this principle in children helps to build both resilience and mercy in their character. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others. The strong person is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.’ 

This hadith provides a clear and powerful redefinition of strength that children can understand it is not about physical force, but about emotional control and choosing to do good. By nurturing this understanding, you help your child grow into a person who uses their strength to protect, uplift, and forgive qualities that are beloved by Allah Almighty and that earn the lasting respect of others.