How do I teach my toddler to say ‘I feel sad’ instead of lashing out? 

Parenting Perspective 

Connect Feelings to Words 

Toddlers often lack the words to explain what they feel, so they express emotions through actions like hitting, throwing, or screaming. This is not because they are disobedient but because they genuinely cannot yet manage or name their big feelings. The first step is to help your child connect those feelings to words. Keep your language simple and repeat it often. When you see your child getting upset, kneel to their level, speak calmly, and name the feeling for them. For example, you could say, ‘I see you feel sad because you did not get the toy you wanted.’ Over time, they learn to link that tight feeling in their chest or that angry energy in their hands to the right words. 

Practise During Calm Moments 

You can also practise in calm moments, not just during an outburst. Use toys or storybooks to talk about feelings. Ask your toddler, ‘How does the teddy feel now?’ or ‘What makes the puppy happy or sad?’ This playful practice builds a child’s emotional vocabulary without pressure. Keep your responses steady. If your child lashes out, stay calm and remind them of a better way. For example, ‘Hands are not for hitting. When you feel sad, you can say, “I feel sad.”’ Celebrate their small successes when they do use words. Praise them with encouragement like, ‘Thank you for telling me you feel sad. That helps me to understand.’ With patient practice, your child will learn that words can achieve what angry actions used to. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, patience and gentle teaching are powerful tools for helping our little ones grow in good character. A child’s heart is soft and receptive, so every small effort matters. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taaha (20), Verse 44: 

‘But speak to him in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him).‘

This verse was given as advice when speaking to someone far harder of heart than a toddler, so it reminds us how much more we should use gentleness with our own children. Even when a toddler lashes out, it is our calm response that helps guide them back to what is right. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective. ‘

These words remind us that yelling or harshness rarely teach the lesson we want. Instead, our calm words and steady tone give a child the safety they need to learn new ways. You can also teach your child to make a simple Dua when they feel upset. Even saying, ‘Ya Allah, help me feel better,’ teaches them that Allah Almighty knows every tear and every heavy feeling, no matter how small. With your patient guidance, your toddler will grow in the courage to say, ‘I feel sad,’ trusting that you and Allah Almighty hear them.