How do I teach my child to talk about feeling jealous over friends? 

Parenting Perspective 

Normalise the Feeling 

Jealousy among friends is common, but children often feel too embarrassed to admit it. They may see a friend with a new toy, another friendship, or praise from a teacher and feel left out or less important. If they do not know how to talk about this, their feelings can build up into anger or unkind behaviour. You can help your child understand that jealousy is a normal feeling, not something to hide. Use simple language: ‘Sometimes our hearts feel a bit tight when someone has something we wish we had. That feeling is called jealousy.’ 

Create Opportunities to Talk 

Create calm moments to talk about jealousy. Share your own gentle examples of when you felt a little envious and how you handled it. Use stories to show how characters feel jealousy but choose better actions. Practise simple phrases together, like, ‘I feel jealous because my friend was chosen for the team and I was not.’ Remind your child that saying these words does not make them a bad friend. Praise them for any effort to speak honestly rather than acting out. Talk about what they can do with those feelings, such as being happy for their friend, working towards their own goals, or asking for help when they feel left behind. Over time, these small steps teach your child that talking about jealousy honestly keeps friendships stronger and their own heart lighter. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises that feelings like jealousy can visit any heart, but we are guided to deal with them in ways that protect us from sin and bitterness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Falaq (113), Verse 5: 

‘(Refuge from) the wickedness of the envious when they are jealous.‘

This verse reminds us that jealousy can harm us most when it turns into negative actions. Teaching your child to talk about envy helps them to notice the feeling before it takes root. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective. ‘

Talking about jealousy with honesty and gentleness is far better than hiding it or letting it grow into harsh words. Teach your child to make a small Dua when they feel envy, such as, ‘Ya Allah, clean my heart and help me feel happy for others.’ These small prayers remind them that Allah Almighty knows every secret in the heart and that letting go of jealousy brings peace and blessings. With your gentle guidance, your child will learn that it is braver to speak about envy than to pretend it does not exis