How do I teach my child to return items with thanks, not attitude? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many parents are familiar with the moment: your child reluctantly hands back a borrowed item, accompanied by a heavy sigh, a mumbled ‘Here,’ or perhaps even a defensive glare. This small exchange points to a much larger challenge, which is helping them understand that gratitude, not attitude, is what completes the act of borrowing. Teaching a child to return things with warmth and appreciation is not just about instilling good manners; it is about cultivating humility, gratitude, and emotional intelligence. 

Understanding the Emotion Behind the Attitude 

When a child returns something with irritation or sarcasm, the behaviour is rarely about the item itself. They might feel embarrassed for having to borrow, disappointed that the enjoyable experience has ended, or simply resistant to being told what to do. Instead of reacting to their tone, try to address the feeling that lies beneath it. 

You could say, ‘It sounds like you are upset that it is time to give it back. That is okay, but we still need to say thank you when we are done.’ This helps your child see that a poor attitude often masks an underlying emotion, and that respect can be shown even when they do not feel happy. 

Explaining the True Meaning of Gratitude 

Children often view saying ‘thank you’ as an empty formality rather than a genuine expression of value. You can deepen their understanding by explaining its purpose. 

For example, say: ‘Saying thank you is more than just good manners; it is a way of telling people that you noticed and appreciated their kindness.’ By linking gratitude to empathy, politeness becomes purposeful, not just performative. 

Modelling the Complete Borrowing and Returning Process 

Children learn most effectively through observation and repetition. It is helpful to walk them through the entire cycle of respectful borrowing: 

• Ask first: ‘May I borrow this, please?’ 

• Use with care: ‘I will take good care of it.’ 

• Return with gratitude: ‘Thank you for letting me use this. I appreciate it.’ 

Role-playing these steps together can be very effective. For instance, ‘You borrowed my pen. How do you return it?’ When they reply, ‘Thank you for lending it to me,’ you can affirm them: ‘Perfect. That was short, kind, and showed real respect.’ 

Teaching the Importance of a Grateful Tone 

Explain to your child that gratitude is conveyed as much through tone as it is through words. You might say, ‘When your voice sounds annoyed, the “thank you” does not reach the other person’s heart. Let us practise saying it with a kind voice.’ 

Demonstrate the difference in tone and body language, using a calm face, a gentle voice, and brief eye contact. A simple phrase like, ‘Thank you for letting me use this,’ delivered with warmth, can turn a tense moment into one of maturity and grace. 

Reinforcing the Lesson Through Reflection 

After your child manages an interaction well, encourage them to reflect on the experience. 

You could ask gently, ‘How did it feel when you said thank you nicely?’ They might answer, ‘Better, I think.’ You can then reinforce the lesson: ‘That is because kindness makes both people feel good.’ Reflection helps them associate respectful behaviour with a sense of emotional satisfaction rather than mere obligation. 

Using Daily Moments for Practice 

Turn ordinary life into an opportunity for gratitude training. Simple moments provide the perfect chance to practise: 

• Returning a pencil to a classmate at school. 

• Handing back a borrowed book to the library. 

• Giving a toy back to a sibling after playing. 

Each of these moments becomes a small rehearsal for adult integrity. It is important to praise their consistency, not perfection. A simple, ‘I noticed how you said thank you when you returned that. That was very thoughtful of you,’ makes a huge difference. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, gratitude is not merely a point of etiquette; it is a profound act of worship. Returning what we borrow with thanks is a practical expression of shukr (thankfulness), a quality that is deeply beloved by Allah Almighty. This practice teaches a child that every borrowed item, no matter how small, is a trust (amanah), and every act of returning it is a chance to express grace and humility. 

Gratitude as a Means of Increasing Blessings 

The Quran teaches that gratitude is a direct cause of an increase in blessings, while ingratitude can lead to their removal. This principle applies to all aspects of life, from the biggest gifts to the smallest loans. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ibraheem (14), Verses 7: 

‘And (remember) when your Sustainer made this declaration; (saying that): “If you show gratitude, I (Allah Almighty) will indeed, amplify them for you (provisions and sustenance); however, if you become ungrateful, then indeed, My punishment is Meticulous (in execution)”.’ 

When your child learns to return something with a sincere ‘thank you’, they are not only being polite but are also practising a core tenet of their faith. 

The Prophetic Link Between Thanking People and Thanking Allah 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ establish a powerful connection between showing appreciation to people and showing gratitude to Allah Almighty. The two are inseparable. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1954, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not thank people has not thanked Allah.‘ 

This hadith elevates simple good manners to an act of spiritual significance. When a child says, ‘Thank you for lending me this,’ with sincerity, they are not just respecting the person who was kind to them; they are fulfilling an act of worship. 

Teaching your child to return items with thanks transforms ordinary interactions into profound lessons in gratitude and respect. You are helping them to see that these small courtesies strengthen trust between people and reflect a person’s inner goodness. 

Each time they hand something back with kindness, they reinforce the timeless message that respect and humility are beautiful qualities that adorn every exchange. 

Over time, this habit will become a reflection of faith itself. Your child will grow to understand that returning things with warmth and appreciation is not about following rules, but about honouring blessings, valuing others, and living according to the Prophetic way of gentleness and gratitude. In every ‘thank you’, they learn that what they give in manners, they gain tenfold in character.