How do I teach my child to ask before borrowing my things? 

Parenting Perspective

Children seldom take items without permission out of malice or disrespect. In the majority of instances, their actions stem from impulse or an undefined sense of shared ownership. The core objective is not to scold, but to cultivate awareness—to help the child understand that respect commences precisely where assumption ceases. 

Turning “Do Not Touch” into “Let Us Ask” 

Rather than initiating a lengthy lecture after an incident has occurred, parents should introduce an asking ritual during calm moments. Take an object and state, “This item is special to me. When you wish to use it, what is the first thing you should do?” Encourage the child to practise the phrase, “May I please use it?” 

• Role-Play: Role-play the scenario several times, switching roles so the child experiences what it feels like both to ask for permission and to be the one who is asked. This repetition embeds good manners more deeply than any reprimand could. 

Naming the Boundary and the Trust 

When a child forgets to ask, respond with calm clarity: “You took my pen without asking. I know you like it, but asking is the way we show respect.” Then, guide the child to return the item and start the interaction again, using the correct language. 

• Maintain a steady tone; the purpose is teaching, not guilt. 

• Reinforce that the act of asking strengthens trust; when they ask, it is more likely the answer will be affirmative. 

Giving Them “Yes Zones” 

Children flourish when they clearly understand which items are available for unrestricted use. Designate shared items—such as games, stationery, or kitchen tools—as “family things”, and keep private possessions in a specific, personal space. 

• Structure protects harmony within the relationship. 

• As children demonstrate reliability, gradually expand their access to other items. This clearly illustrates that respect leads to privilege. 

Modelling the Same Courtesy 

Take an opportunity to borrow something belonging to the child and narrate your own process: “I am using your ruler—may I?” This simple modelling teaches the crucial lesson that respect flows both ways and aids in building empathy. When children feel respected, they begin to practise respect naturally. 

• Praise Specific Behaviour: Acknowledge the correct action immediately: “You asked before taking the charger—that was very thoughtful.” Positive reinforcement connects the act of asking to a sense of pride and maturity rather than mere compliance. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, showing respect for the belongings and rights of others is regarded as an act of faith. Teaching a child to seek permission before borrowing is an essential part of nurturing honesty, humility, and amanah (trustworthiness). 

Respect for Boundaries is a Universal Ethic 

The Quran teaches a universal ethic of respecting boundaries, seeking permission, and approaching others with courtesy before taking what belongs to them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants; this is better for you (so that you can respect each other’s privacy) in (the application of) your thinking.’ 

• Although this verse speaks about entering homes, it sets the principle: respect boundaries, seek permission, and proceed with courtesy. This teaches the child that good manners are an extension of faith. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Model of Trustworthiness 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was famously known as Al-Amin, the trustworthy one. He diligently upheld the rights of others and never took what was not rightfully his, even during times of hardship. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 33, that the holy Prophet Muhammad  ﷺ  said: 

“The signs of a hypocrite are three: whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it; and whenever he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.” 

• The Moral Compass: Parents should use this Hadith gently as a moral compass. Explain to your child that borrowing without asking weakens trust—it compromises the amanah (trust) that Allah Almighty expects all believers to protect. 

• When they pause to ask first, they are honouring both the parent’s rights and their own spiritual integrity. 

Conclude by communicating that respect is not a frightening rule, but a method to keep love and peace safe. Each time a child asks for permission, they are polishing their character. Over time, the question, “May I please use it?” ceases to be a mere formality and becomes a reflection of the heart’s humility—a daily act of faith and courtesy that keeps the home peaceful and the relationship between parent and child strong.