How do I teach my child that “I copied” is not an excuse? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often use the phrase, ‘But I was just copying,’ as a way to deflect responsibility for their actions. While imitation is a natural part of childhood, it is crucial that it does not become an excuse to avoid accountability. Your goal as a parent is to help your child understand that every action they take is their own choice, even if the idea came from someone else. 

Acknowledge the Observation but Refocus the Responsibility 

When your child says, ‘I was just copying,’ it is helpful to first validate their honesty but then immediately redirect the focus back to their own role in the situation. 

• ‘I understand that you saw someone else do that, but you made the choice to do it too.’ 

• ‘Copying a wrong action does not make it right. You are still in charge of what your body does.’ 

This simple but firm reframing gently shifts the focus from the other person’s action back to your child’s own accountability. 

Explaining the Principle of Choice 

Children need to be taught explicitly that they have the power to choose what they imitate. This clear distinction is vital for helping them learn that imitation does not cancel out personal responsibility. 

• ‘We can and should copy good things, like being kind or helpful.’ 

• ‘But when we see something wrong, our job is to choose not to copy it.’ 

Using Role-Play to Practise Accountability 

Set up some simple scenarios where one doll or character does something harmful and another one copies. This creates a safe space to discuss the concept of choice. 

• Ask your child: ‘Who made the final choice to do the wrong thing?’ 

• ‘Could the second character have chosen to do something different?’ 

• Allow your child to practise saying, ‘Even though I copied, I am still responsible for my choice.’ 

Praising the Act of Taking Ownership 

When your child takes responsibility for their actions without trying to blame others, it is a moment worthy of praise. This positive reinforcement helps them to associate accountability with strength and integrity. 

• ‘Thank you for being honest about your part in what happened. That shows real strength.’ 

• ‘I am proud that you owned your choice instead of just blaming it on copying.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

The concept of personal accountability is a cornerstone of the Islamic worldview. Each soul is responsible for its own choices and actions. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Faatir (35), Verses 18: 

‘ And no burden of responsibility shall be borne by any other; and if someone who is heavily burdened (with the consequences of their misdeeds) calls upon (another person) to carry their load, they shall be unable to carry any (responsibility) from them…’ 

This powerful verse establishes a core principle of Islam: every individual is accountable for their own deeds. Teaching your child that ‘I was just copying’ is not a valid excuse is a direct application of this fundamental Quranic principle. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4833, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man follows the religion of his friend, so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.’ 

This hadith highlights the powerful influence of our friends, but it also contains an implicit lesson on responsibility. Even when others influence us, we remain accountable for the choice to follow their example, whether good or bad. By guiding your child with calm firmness, you teach them a vital life lesson: excuses do not build character, but accountability does. This nurtures their honesty and integrity, helping them to grow into people who take ownership of their actions in a way that is pleasing to Allah.