How do I teach my child that copying aggression is unsafe? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children copy aggressive behaviour from peers, siblings, or the media, it can be a source of worry for parents. Fears may arise that they are developing poor habits or might harm others. It is important to remember that aggression in young children is seldom a deliberate choice. It is often a combination of imitating what they see and a lack of emotional self-control. Your role is to help them understand why aggression is unsafe while showing them better alternatives. 

Explaining Consequences Simply and Clearly 

Children need direct, simple explanations that connect an action to its consequence. Using short, consistent phrases that can be repeated over time is highly effective. 

• ‘When we hit or push, it can hurt another person’s body and make them feel very sad.’ 

• ‘Hands are for helping, not for hurting.’ 

Using Concrete, Real-Life Examples 

If your child copies an aggressive action, use it as a teaching moment. These concrete experiences are far more effective for learning than abstract words alone. 

• Pause the activity immediately. 

• Gently demonstrate the difference: allow them to feel a soft pat on their arm and compare it to the feeling of a push. 

• Explain calmly: ‘This is gentle and safe. That was hard and unsafe.’ 

Role-Playing Safer Responses 

Turn learning into a playful activity to make the lesson more memorable. 

• Pretend that someone has taken a toy and model saying, ‘Stop, I do not like that,’ instead of reacting physically. 

• Act out different scenarios where they can practise walking away or asking an adult for help. 

Role-playing helps to build muscle memory and gives them the confidence to apply these skills in real situations. 

Reinforcing Positive Behaviour 

Whenever you notice your child handling a frustrating situation without aggression, offer immediate and positive recognition. 

• ‘I am so proud of you for using your words instead of hitting.’ 

• Offer a small, affirming reward, such as extra playtime or a warm cuddle. 

This approach reinforces the connection between safe behaviour and positive outcomes. 

Being a Consistent Example of Calmness 

Children learn more from observation than from instruction. It is therefore vital to manage your own stress calmly and avoid harsh reactions. If you slip up and raise your voice, use it as an opportunity to model accountability: ‘I was upset, but I should have spoken more calmly. Next time, I will try to do better.’ This act teaches humility and self-regulation by example. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam consistently champions the values of wisdom, gentleness, and good counsel over harshness and aggression. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

This verse reminds us that wisdom and good counsel are the preferred methods of guidance, far superior to force or harshness. Teaching a child that aggression is unsafe directly reflects this divine principle; gentle guidance builds a far stronger character than correction through force. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3688, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and He rewards for gentleness what He does not grant for harshness.’ 

This profound hadith teaches that gentleness achieves positive outcomes that harshness can never secure. By modelling the value of gentle words and actions, you help your child understand that true strength lies in kindness and mercy qualities cherished by Allah. By teaching with a consistent blend of firmness and mercy, you shape your child’s core understanding that aggression is unsafe and unhelpful. In its place, they learn that gentleness and wisdom are the keys to safety, love, and closeness to Allah Almighty.