How do I teach “look with eyes, not hands” in shops without nagging? 

Parenting Perspective 

You walk into a shop, and before you have even finished saying, ‘Please do not touch,’ your child’s hands are already exploring everything within their reach. You may find yourself repeating the phrase, ‘Look, do not touch!’, until it turns into a power struggle, and the outing begins to feel more stressful than educational. The good news is that this is a teachable moment, not a sign of bad manners. Children are naturally wired to explore the world through their sense of touch. Your role is to help them to transfer that curiosity from their hands to their eyes, with calm and consistent guidance rather than with endless reminders. 

Prepare Before You Enter the Shop 

The key to avoiding the need for nagging is to prepare your child, not just to correct them. Before you step into the shop, it is helpful to pause outside and set the tone for the visit. In a calm and positive voice, you can say, ‘We are going to practise looking with our eyes today. If you see something that you want to look at more closely, you can tell me, and I will hold it for you.’ This ‘pre-framing’ works because it gives your child clear expectations and a sense of partnership, rather than making them feel as though they are being policed. 

Model the Behaviour You Want to See 

Children naturally imitate what they observe. As you browse the shop, you can model the desired behaviour in a calm and natural way: ‘Oh, I really like that vase. I will just look at it closely instead of touching it.’ When they see you showing this kind of self-control, the behaviour becomes a shared family value rather than an imposed rule. If your child does reach out impulsively, it is best to avoid scolding them in the moment. Instead, you can guide them quietly: ‘Let us use our eyes first. You can touch it when I say it is okay.’ 

Provide Safe Opportunities for Touch 

For young children especially, the urge to touch is natural and even necessary for their learning. You can give them small and contained chances to handle something, but always with your permission. 

• ‘You can hold this one gently with two hands.’ 

• ‘This display is very fragile, but here is a fabric sample that you can feel instead.’ 

Allowing some tactile exploration helps to reduce the frustration that can build up when everything is off-limits. It also teaches them a sense of discernment: some things can be touched, while others must only be viewed. 

Create a ‘Shop Helper’ Role 

You can give your child an active and responsible role to help keep their hands busy and engaged. 

• Let them hold the shopping list or the basket. 

• Ask them to count certain items or to look for specific colours. 

• Say, ‘You are my special eyes today. Can you help me to find the blue box?’ 

This reframes their experience from one of restriction to one of active participation. Children who feel useful are far less likely to act out. 

Spiritual Insight 

Teaching a child to respect other people’s property, to admire without taking, is an act of cultivating amanah (trust) and adab (good manners), both of which are central values in Islam. Guiding them to ‘look with their eyes, not with their hands’ helps to nurture the qualities of humility, restraint, and an awareness of boundaries, all of which are traits that are beloved to Allah Almighty. 

Respecting What Belongs to Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 152: 

‘ And do not usurp the wealth of the orphans, except (dealing with their wealth in a manner) which is best for them, until they reach the age of majority; (and in your business dealings) deal with full measure and weight and with equity…‘ 

This verse reminds us of the sacredness of other people’s belongings and the importance of our own restraint and fairness. When a child learns to observe an item without grabbing it, they are practising an early form of integrity, learning to treat what is not theirs with respect. 

Good Manners as a Reflection of Faith 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

This teaches us that good manners are not a superficial concern; they are a reflection of a deep and sincere faith. When parents are able to model calm and respectful behaviour in public, and to teach their children to do the same, they are nurturing both their iman (faith) and their adab (character). Each shopping trip can become a small exercise in faith, learning that admiration does not require possession, and that curiosity can coexist with a sense of care.