How do I teach fairness when a sibling lies, and another child feels wrongly blamed? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child lies and their sibling is wrongly blamed, it can cause deep resentment. The accused child feels unfairly treated, while the other child learns that dishonesty can be a successful tactic. Handling these moments with fairness is vital for protecting the sibling bond and building integrity. 

Slow Down and Investigate 

It is crucial not to punish either child immediately. Instead, state calmly, ‘I need to listen to both of you carefully before I make a decision.’ This approach reassures the innocent child that they will be heard and shows the other that a lie will not result in a quick victory. 

Validate the Wronged Child and Correct the Other 

Once the truth is clear, it is important to validate the feelings of the wrongly accused child: ‘I am sorry you were blamed for something you did not do. That must have felt very unfair.’ Afterwards, address the other child’s behaviour firmly but without shaming them. A simple consequence, followed by guidance on apologising, teaches them that dishonesty is not an effective strategy. 

Reinforce Family Values of Fairness 

Regularly remind both children that honesty and fairness are core family values. Explain that lying does not just break trust with you as a parent; it damages the love and respect between siblings. By treating these situations with care, you guide the dishonest child towards better habits while protecting the other from feeling bitter. 

Spiritual Insight 

Be Just, Even with a Near Relative 

Islam places immense emphasis on truth and justice, especially within the family. The Quran commands believers to be just in their speech, even if it concerns their closest relatives. This teaches parents to uphold fairness above all else. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 152: 

‘…And whenever you speak then (speak with) justice, even though (such words may act against the interests) of your close relatives…’ 

Help Both the Oppressor and the Oppressed 

This profound hadith teaches that true justice involves both helping the person who was wronged and stopping the person who is doing the wrong. In a sibling dispute, this means protecting the wrongly blamed child while correcting the one who lied. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.’ The Companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah, we understand helping him if he is oppressed, but how do we help him if he is the oppressor?’ He replied: ‘By stopping him from oppressing.’ 

Honesty Strengthens Family Bonds 

When your children see that fairness is consistently upheld in your home, they learn that honesty is more valuable than any temporary advantage. Over time, they will understand that being just and truthful is what strengthens their bond as a family and brings them closer to Allah.