How do I teach do-overs that include an action, not just words? 

Parenting Perspective 

Every parent knows the hollow ring of a forced ‘sorry’. Children can learn very quickly that saying this one word is enough to end a moment of tension, even when it does not truly repair the hurt that has been caused. However, true responsibility is about more than just words; it is about making our behaviour better. Teaching your child the concept of ‘do-overs’ can help them to move beyond a simple apology to a meaningful act of reparation, showing them that every mistake can become a moment of genuine growth. The message is not ‘You have failed,’ but rather, ‘You can try again, and you can do it better this time.’ 

Redefine What a ‘Do-Over’ Truly Means 

You can explain to your child that a ‘do-over’ is not a form of punishment, but a chance to practise the art of kindness. You could say, ‘A do-over means that you get another chance to do the same thing, but in a way that feels kind and respectful.’ This helps to show them that making amends is an active process, not just a verbal one. Children can learn that our relationships are not broken by our mistakes, but are in fact strengthened by our sincere attempts to repair them. 

Start with Small and Specific Moments 

It is best to pick small, everyday moments where the idea of a do-over will fit in a natural way. 

• A tone reset: ‘Could you try saying that sentence again, but with a kind voice this time?’ 

• A physical action: ‘Let us pick up the toy that was thrown, and then you can ask for my help in a calm voice.’ 

• A respectful re-entry: ‘You can try again now to ask politely for what it is that you want.’ 

It is important to keep the do-over short and focused. The goal is not to achieve perfection, but to show them that a moment of self-control can rewrite the story. 

Model Taking Do-Overs Yourself 

Children will always copy what they see more than what they are told. If you happen to lose your patience with them, you can show them how you are able to reset yourself in that moment: ‘I spoke to you very sharply just then. Let me try that again in a calmer way.’ This is a powerful form of modelling that shows your child that grown-ups also make mistakes and that they also need to repair them. It helps to build a family culture where the act of correction feels safe, not shaming. 

Celebrate the Courage It Takes to Try Again 

When your child is able to take a do-over, it is important to praise their effort, not to dwell on their initial mistake: ‘That was very brave of you to try that again in a kind way,’ or ‘You have fixed it now. That shows real strength.’ This positive framing helps them to link a sense of accountability with a feeling of pride, not of shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the acts of repentance (tawbah) and of making amends are always tied to our actions, not just to our words. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that when we have wronged someone, a true and sincere repentance must include an attempt to repair the harm that has been caused. Teaching our children to do ‘do-overs’ in their daily lives is a way of mirroring this divine pattern of restoring balance through our deeds, not just through our speech. 

Action as the Proof of Sincerity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 8: 

‘O you people, who are believers, seek repentance from your Sustainer with sincere contrition; perhaps your Sustainer shall absolve you from your sins; and admit you into the Gardens (of Paradise) underneath which flow rivers…’ 

This verse reminds us that a sincere repentance involves more than just a feeling of regret; it must also carry with it a sense of resolve and a desire for renewal. A child’s ‘do-over’ can be seen as a small echo of this profound spiritual principle: the act of recognising one’s wrong, turning back from it, and making a commitment to act differently in the future. 

The Virtue of Letting Good Deeds Erase Missteps 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1987, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah wherever you are, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed it will erase it  and behave well towards people.’ 

This hadith beautifully illustrates the very essence of the do-over. Our wrongs are corrected not by our denial of them, but by our effort to do something good afterwards. Teaching your child to pair their apology with a positive action helps to bring this timeless wisdom into their daily lives. You can say to them softly, ‘Everyone makes mistakes. What really matters is how we choose to fix them.’