How do I teach “ask, count to 20, try again” while waiting for me? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child asks for your attention and you say, “Wait a moment,” that phrase can feel endless to them. Their need feels urgent, and without a clear structure, waiting quickly turns into tugging, whining, or interrupting. What they are missing isn’t obedience; it is a map for self-control. 

The three-step method “Ask, count to 20, try again” gives that map shape. It teaches your child that waiting isn’t being ignored; it is part of respectful communication. You are not just buying yourself quiet time; you are training patience, turn-taking, and emotional regulation. 

Why Structure Helps Waiting 

Children cope better when they know what is coming. “In a minute” feels vague, but “count to 20” gives them a tangible unit of time. It turns an abstract concept into a physical rhythm they can control. Counting slows down their body and gives their brain a job to do while they wait. 

• “When you need me, ask once, then count to 20 in your head or on your fingers. If I am still busy, try again.” 

This routine replaces frantic repetition with predictability, and predictability creates calm. 

Teaching the Routine During Calm Moments 

Practise the sequence when your child is not already impatient. You can make it a little game: “Let us pretend I am talking on the phone. You ask for help, then count to 20 before asking again.” 

Make it playful—perhaps by counting with deep breaths or claps. Once they grasp it, reinforce gently in real moments: “Good job asking nicely; now remember to count before you ask again.” Consistency matters more than speed. 

Visual and Verbal Cues 

You can support the practice with visual aids: 

• A small card that says “Ask. Count. Try again.” 

• A sand timer or digital countdown they can watch. 

• A family gesture like holding up one finger to signal “I heard you; count now.” 

These cues give children reassurance without constant verbal reminders. They learn that waiting is an active choice, not passive neglect. 

If your child interrupts before finishing the count, stay calm and reset the expectation without scolding: “Oops, looks like we forgot to count. Let us start again.” The goal is to reinforce the structure, not to shame the struggle. When they finally succeed, celebrate warmly: “You counted and waited; that was real patience.” 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully intertwines patience with trust. The noble Quran reminds believers that waiting, when done with calm faith, is never wasted time. Teaching your child to pause before asking again mirrors this spiritual principle: wisdom grows in the spaces between desire and fulfilment. 

Patience and Trust in Timing 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength, and show resilience; indeed, Allah (Almighty) it is with those people who are resilient.’ 

This verse reminds us that patience preserves strength. When your child waits before asking again, they are practising a form of inner courage, choosing peace over panic. It is their first step toward sabr, the discipline of trusting that things will come in due time. 

You can softly link the practice to faith by saying, “When we wait and count, we are doing what Allah loves; being patient and trusting the right time will come.” This turns an everyday waiting routine into a moment of spiritual training. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Teaching on Calm Communication 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

Though this hadith refers to anger, its message extends to all impulse control. When your child pauses and counts before asking again, they are practising inner strength, the ability to hold steady when impatience rises. 

Each time your child follows the sequence ask, count, try again they are practising calmness that comes from Allah, not haste that comes from frustration. Over time, that rhythm becomes part of their character: a steady heart that knows when to speak, when to wait, and when to trust.