How do I teach “ask and wait” instead of grabbing? 

Parenting Perspective 

Grabbing is a common and challenging behaviour in young children, whether it involves toys, books, or food. While it can look like deliberate rudeness, it is usually a result of pure impulse and excitement, rather than any malicious intent. Teaching your child the simple two-step process of ‘ask and wait’ is a foundational lesson in patience, respect, and self-control; skills that will serve them throughout their lives. 

Model the Specific Words to Use 

Often, children grab because they simply do not have the right words to use. You can help them by teaching and practising a simple script. 

• ‘Can I have a turn with that, please?’ 

• ‘When you have finished, may I use it?’ 

It is best to practise these phrases together during calm moments of play, so they are readily available in a more heated moment. 

Reinforce Waiting Positively 

When your child successfully remembers to ask politely, it is important to praise the behaviour immediately. 

• ‘I really like how you used your kind words to ask for that. Now we will practise waiting together.’ 

• Using a visible timer can be very helpful in these situations, as it makes the waiting time feel fair and predictable, which reduces frustration. 

Hold the Boundary Firmly and Consistently 

If your child does grab, you must gently but firmly return the item to the other person and restate the rule. Your consistency is what teaches the crucial lesson that grabbing never works, whereas asking politely often does. 

• ‘In our family, we do not grab. Please ask and wait for your turn.’ 

Practise in Small Steps 

Use role-playing games to make the lesson more concrete. You can pretend to want something they are holding and model both the wrong way (grabbing) and the right way (asking politely). Allow them to experience the difference in how it feels to be asked for something politely versus having it snatched away. 

• Child: (Grabs a toy from a sibling) 

• Parent: (Gently intervening) ‘Stop. We do not grab. Let us use our words. You can say, “Can I have a turn when you are done?” Then we will wait patiently.’ 

• Child: (Repeats the phrase) 

• Parent: ‘Well done for asking. Waiting shows great kindness and respect.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on the principles of seeking permission, exercising patience, and respecting the rights and property of others. Teaching a child to ‘ask and wait’ is a practical way of nurturing these core Islamic manners. 

Seeking Permission With Respect 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants…’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of seeking permission is a fundamental sign of respect. This principle of asking before taking applies just as much to children interacting with each other’s belongings as it does to entering homes. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Gentleness in Interaction 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

This hadith teaches us that patience, gentleness, and respectful communication will always bring more blessing into a situation than grabbing or using force. 

By consistently guiding your child to ask and wait, you are instilling in them manners that are deeply rooted in fairness and mercy. They learn that kindness is more effective than force, and that patience is not just a family rule but a beautiful reflection of their faith.