How do I support my child when classmates leave them out of a game? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things hurt a child more than the feeling of being excluded by their peers. When classmates leave your child out of a game, they can be left feeling rejected, lonely, or even starting to question their own self-worth. These moments can deeply affect their confidence and social development. As a parent, your role is to comfort them emotionally, equip them with practical strategies, and help them to build resilience without bitterness. 

Acknowledge Their Hurt 

It is best to begin with empathy rather than offering quick solutions or telling them not to worry: 

• ‘I am so sorry you felt left out today. That must have been a painful experience.’ 

• ‘It really hurts when other people do not include us, and it is okay to feel sad about that.’ 

This simple act of validation lets your child know that their feelings are real and respected. 

Reassure Them of Their Worth 

Children often internalise social exclusion as proof that they are not “good enough.” You can gently remind them: 

• ‘Not being chosen for a game does not mean you are any less important or valuable as a person.’ 

• ‘Your kindness, your effort, and your character are the things that matter much more than being in one game.’ 

This helps to protect their fragile self-esteem from becoming dependent on the approval of their peers. 

Explore the Situation Together 

Ask gentle, open-ended questions to understand what happened: 

• ‘What was happening just before the game started?’ 

• ‘Did you have a chance to ask if you could join, or were the teams already full when you got there?’ 

Sometimes exclusion is deliberate, but at other times it can be circumstantial. Understanding the specific details of the situation will help you to guide them more wisely. 

Teach Practical Coping Skills 

• Encourage Assertiveness: Teach them to say politely, ‘Can I join in?’ rather than waiting silently and hoping to be noticed. 

• Offer Alternatives: If the group refuses, suggest that they could find another friend to play with, choose a different activity, or even try to start their own game. 

• Model Friendship Skills: You can practise turn-taking, sharing, and inviting others during family games at home to help them become the kind of child that others naturally enjoy including. 

Support Their Long-Term Resilience 

• Highlight true friendships: Remind them that real, genuine friends are those who include and respect each other. 

• Build confidence outside school: Engage them in activities they enjoy, such as sports clubs, Qur’an circles, or other creative hobbies where they can shine and build friendships. 

• Praise social courage: Make sure to celebrate the moments when you see them handling exclusion calmly or finding positive alternatives for themselves. 

These steps will help them to face the pain of peer rejection with dignity and without internalising a sense of shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that being left out or overlooked by people does not diminish our worth in the sight of Allah Almighty. True honour and value lie in our character and our faith, not in how many people choose to include us in a game. Teaching this helps your child to see beyond peer approval and find their strength in their relationship with Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’ 

This verse reminds us that our value is not determined by our popularity or inclusion in games, but by our righteousness and good character. For a child, this powerful teaching acts as a shield against the feelings of worthlessness that can arise from being excluded. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 4250, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people.’ 

This hadith teaches that true value lies in being a kind and beneficial person, not in being chosen first or included every time. If your child can learn to focus on being helpful and kind to others, they will naturally attract friends who value them for who they truly are. 

By grounding your child in these values, you teach them that exclusion, while painful, does not define them. They learn to turn their hurt into patience, to seek their comfort in the love of Allah Almighty, and to continue being kind even when others fall short. 

Over time, they will grow into resilient young Muslims who understand that being included by others is not everything. What matters most is living with dignity, showing kindness, and trusting that their true worth is always honoured by Allah Almighty, even if they are overlooked by their classmates.