How do I stop tantrums becoming a habit whenever my child wants something?
Parenting Perspective
When a child frequently uses tantrums to get what they want, it could be because they have discovered that emotional outbursts lead to desired outcomes. This behaviour can develop rapidly if parents occasionally give in when faced with tantrums. Avoiding conflict might seem like a good idea, but it can encourage the behaviour you are trying to avoid. Children require clear and consistent boundaries. When parents consistently uphold their expectations in a calm yet assertive manner, they convey to the child that throwing tantrums is not a successful approach.
It is crucial to maintain consistency in your reply. When a child starts to scream or cry after being denied something, it is important to calmly recognise their emotions while maintaining the boundary that has been set. Expressions like, ‘I understand you are upset, but we will not be making that purchase today,’ demonstrate emotional composure and a respectful way to decline. As time goes on, this helps children learn to handle disappointment without misbehaving. It is important to offer praise and encouragement when the child effectively handles frustration. This confirms their advancement and aids in the enhancement of effective coping strategies. It is beneficial to talk about what to expect before going into places where the child might act out, like stores or social gatherings.
Spiritual Insight
Children often find it difficult to wait for what they want, but a key goal of Islamic parenting is to help them learn how to manage their desires with patience. Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 27: ‘Indeed, those who are extravagant (i.e. wasteful of their wealth) these are the brothers of the Satan, as the Satan has always been ungrateful to his Sustainer.’ This verse highlights the risks associated with acting on impulses, which can relate to indulgent behaviours in both adults and children. Assisting a child in handling their feelings and desires, instead of simply conceding, represents a caring approach to guidance.
Patience, mercy, and consistency are part of the Prophetic way. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ This Hadith serves as a reminder that managing one’s emotions is a sign of true strength. Although children may not be fully able to do this on their own, parents can support them with a balance of firmness and kindness. Maintaining a limit does not equate to denying care; rather, it reflects a commitment to love by establishing boundaries. By remaining composed, demonstrating emotional regulation, and reconnecting after a difficult time, parents reflect the principles of Sabr, Rahmah, and Amanah. Have faith that every effort put into teaching emotional discipline will, with His approval, produce lasting results.
