How do I stop snacks or screen time becoming the only rewards my child wants? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common for children to gravitate towards snacks or screen time as their preferred rewards because these options bring instant pleasure. However, if they become the only motivators, you may find yourself in a challenging cycle where every completed task is linked to a sugary treat or a device, and your child comes to expect nothing else. To break this pattern, it is helpful to broaden the definition of what constitutes a reward. Children often respond positively to privileges, praise, quality time, and symbolic gestures. 

Broaden the Definition of a Reward 

By diversifying your approach, you teach your child to find value in a wider range of positive experiences. Consider incorporating some of the following alternatives into your family life: 

• Time-based rewards: Allowing your child to stay up ten minutes later or enjoying an extra bedtime story. 

• Choice-based privileges: Empowering them to choose the family’s meal, a board game, or a weekend outing. 

• Social opportunities: Arranging for them to invite a friend over for a playdate. 

• Symbolic incentives: Using sticker charts or a token system that contributes towards a larger, non-material goal. 

• Moments of connection: Setting aside dedicated one-on-one time for play or reading together. 

• Verbal recognition: Offering enthusiastic and specific praise that affirms their effort and character. 

A Strategy for Transition 

It is effective to keep these rewards varied and somewhat unpredictable so that your child does not develop a fixed expectation. It also helps to phase out food or screen-based incentives by pairing them with more meaningful ones. For example, you could first offer genuine praise for their achievement and then provide a small snack, gradually increasing the emphasis on the praise until it feels sufficiently rewarding on its own. The aim is not to ban snacks or screens entirely, but to ensure they are not the only options available. By modelling an appreciation for shared experiences, time together, and kind words, you show your child that joy and fulfilment can be found in love, connection, and play. 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, raising children to value inner fulfilment over material incentives aligns perfectly with the essence of faith. The goal is to nurture a heart that finds satisfaction in things that are lasting and meaningful. 

Valuing Inner Fulfilment 

The Quran reminds us that worldly attractions are temporary and should not be the primary focus of our hearts. When we use rewards, their purpose should be to encourage goodness, not to make a child dependent on fleeting pleasures. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verses 20: 

‘Note that indeed, the life of this world is only: a drama; and amusement; and ostentatious; and superficial bragging between yourselves; and unbridled desire for capitalism and offspring…’ 

This powerful ayah serves as a reminder to orient our children towards what is lasting. By teaching them to appreciate rewards that build connection and character, we help them understand that true value lies beyond material objects. 

Redefining Richness and Contentment 

The prophetic tradition beautifully reframes the concept of reward, guiding us to see that true satisfaction comes from within. It is a lesson in finding wealth in gratitude and peace of mind rather than in possessions. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2373, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Richness does not mean having a great amount of property, but richness is being content with oneself.’ 

This hadith teaches a profound principle: the greatest reward is a sense of contentment. Teaching your child to value a hug, your words of affirmation, and shared joyful moments helps them develop a heart that seeks deeper fulfilment. Over time, this focus on inner fulfilment makes them less reliant on snacks or screens for happiness and more attuned to the lasting rewards found in faith, family, and gratitude.