How do I stop siblings from shouting over each other when asking questions? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings shout over each other to be heard, a peaceful moment can quickly turn to chaos. This behaviour is often not about defiance, but a struggle for attention and validation. Children who raise their voices simultaneously are usually trying to ensure their own thoughts feel just as important as their sibling’s. The goal is to guide them toward a calmer way of communicating, where everyone feels heard and respected. 

Create an Atmosphere of Listening 

The first step is to establish a household rule that listening is as important as speaking. You can introduce this as a shared family value, not a punishment. At a calm time, you might say, ‘In this home, everyone’s voice matters, so we will take turns to speak. When one person talks, we all listen.’ 

To make this practical, you could introduce a visual cue, such as a ‘talking spoon’ or a cushion. Whoever holds the object has the floor to speak while others wait quietly. This simple prop turns the abstract idea of turn-taking into a manageable, visible system. 

Model a Calm and Fair Response 

Children mirror the communication style they see. If you respond to noise with a raised voice, the cycle will continue. Instead, when they start shouting, deliberately lower your own tone and say, ‘Let us pause. I cannot hear anyone when we all talk at once.’ Then, calmly choose one child to speak first while acknowledging the other: ‘I will listen to you next, I promise.’ This reassures both children that they will be heard, reducing the anxiety that drives them to shout. 

Teach the Art of Respectful Timing 

Young siblings often lack the skill of waiting for the right moment to speak. You can help them practise this through playful activities, such as taking turns adding a sentence to a shared story. Praise them warmly when they wait and listen patiently. For older children, you can explain the concept of respectful timing, teaching them that good communication is not just about what you say, but also about when and how you say it. 

Reinforce Positive Effort 

When your children successfully wait for their turn or lower their voices, notice and acknowledge it. Saying, ‘I really liked how you waited before speaking. That made it much easier for me to understand you,’ strengthens the desired behaviour far more effectively than scolding. Over time, they will learn that calmness earns connection, while shouting only creates distance. 

Navigate Heightened Moments 

If both children refuse to stop shouting, avoid mediating in the heat of the moment. Instead, pause the exchange entirely. You can say, ‘We will try this again when we are all ready to listen to one another.’ This introduces a natural consequence: their chance to be heard is postponed until they can communicate respectfully. It is not a punishment, but a lesson in emotional regulation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every home has moments of noise and impatience, but Islam reminds us that calmness and respect are acts of spiritual discipline. Parenting through these challenges with gentleness teaches children not only good manners but also the virtues of compassion and self-control. 

The Quranic Counsel on Respectful Voices 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 2–3: 

‘O you who are believers, do not raise your voices above the voice of Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); or be vociferous in your speech like the way you are coarse with each other… Indeed, those people who lower the tone of their voices in the presence of the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); they are the ones whose hearts have been scrutinised by Allah (Almighty) with piety…’ 

This verse teaches that lowering one’s voice is a reflection of inner respect and humility. By guiding children to speak calmly and listen in turn, we nurture this same quality of taqwa (God-consciousness) within the family. 

The Prophetic Standard for Speech 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2093, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not a slanderer, nor a curser, nor is he obscene or vulgar.’ 

This hadith teaches that the tone and content of our speech reflect the state of our character. Helping children learn to communicate calmly is a vital part of their moral training. When siblings stop shouting and begin to listen, they are practising the manners beloved by Allah Almighty, creating a home that echoes with sincerity, not noise. 

When you approach these moments with empathy instead of anger, children feel safer to adjust their behaviour. Your calm guidance shows them that true strength lies in composure. Over time, they will not only stop shouting to be heard but will also begin to understand that listening is, in itself, an act of love.