How do I stop resentment when our strengths get unequal praise? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is very natural to feel overlooked when one parent’s contributions to the family seem to receive more recognition than the other’s. For example, a father may be consistently praised for his financial provision, while a mother’s daily, quiet nurturing goes unnoticed, or vice versa. If this imbalance is left unchecked, it can easily grow into a feeling of resentment, which can weaken the unity of the parents and leave a child feeling confused. The key is to manage these feelings with honesty, to reframe your understanding of praise, and to create a new sense of balance without falling into a state of competition. 

Recognise That Not All Strengths Are Equally Visible 

Some of the strengths that we bring to our parenting are very visible, such as helping with a school project, while others, such as providing quiet emotional support, are almost invisible. It is helpful to remind yourself that a lack of outward praise does not in any way lessen the value of your contribution. 

Communicate Your Feelings Gently with Your Spouse 

If you are beginning to feel unseen or unappreciated, you can say to your spouse, ‘I would love it if you could also sometimes notice how I helped with this.’ Framing your needs as a gentle request can help to build your spouse’s awareness without sounding like a criticism. 

Model Balanced Praise in Front of Your Child 

You can make a point of saying things like, ‘Daddy worked so hard to provide this for our family,’ and, ‘Mummy makes sure that we are all so well cared for every single day.’ Using these kinds of balanced words teaches your child to see and to value the contributions of both parents equally. 

Anchor Your Own Worth Beyond External Praise 

It is important to remember that parenting is not a competition for approval from others. Your child will benefit most when both of you can remain confident in your different roles, regardless of any external recognition you may or may not receive. 

By actively managing any feelings of resentment and choosing instead to model a sense of fairness, you can help to protect both your marriage and your child’s sense of respect for both of their parents. 

Spiritual Insight 

Gratitude for Each Person’s Unique Gifts 

Islam warns us against jealousy and encourages us to cultivate a sense of gratitude for the unique gifts that each person possesses. A believer is taught to see the strengths of others as being a part of the divine distribution of talents from Allah, not as a personal threat. 

Gratitude for Allah’s Apportionment of Blessings 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world); but those people who have been preferred (in this way), do not share their provisions, even with those people that they are legally bound to (provide for), in case (it was deemed) that they had become equal to them; then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’ 

This verse reminds us that any differences in our strengths, our provision, and the recognition we receive are all a part of the wisdom of Allah, and that we should try to accept them with a sense of gratitude. 

Avoiding Envy and Embracing Goodness 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 235, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another, do not inflate prices for one another, do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another. And be, O servants of Allah, brothers.’ 

This hadith teaches that the feeling of envy has the power to destroy our unity, while an attitude of respect and gratitude is what preserves our brotherhood, and by extension, the harmony in our families. By choosing to shift your own focus from a feeling of resentment to one of gratitude, and by balancing the praise in your home with a sense of fairness, you can teach your child that love and respect are not limited resources. Instead, they will learn that these qualities grow stronger when they are shared generously, which is a beautiful reflection of the mercy and justice that Islam upholds.