Parenting Perspective 

It can be a very painful experience when relatives, even if their comments are unintentional, make remarks that belittle your spouse’s culture. These kinds of comments can leave your child feeling confused, can create tension in your marriage, and can make your spouse feel deeply dishonoured. Protecting your child in this situation means setting clear and respectful boundaries with your relatives, while at the same time consistently modelling a deep respect for both cultures in your own home. 

Address Comments Calmly but Firmly 

If a relative makes a critical remark, it is important to respond in a way that is both gentle and decisive. You could say, ‘In our home, we respect both of our cultures equally, and we would like our children to learn the same.’ This helps to signal your boundaries, without needing to be disrespectful. 

Show Unity in Front of Your Child 

It is vital that you stand beside your spouse when these moments happen. Your child must see that you support each other equally, and understands that both of their parents’ cultures deserve honour. 

Reinforce Positive Narratives at Home 

At home, you can balance out any negativity your child may have heard by actively celebrating the culture that was criticised. You can do this by sharing positive stories, cooking special foods, or teaching them particular customs from that side of their family. This will help your child to develop a sense of pride in their heritage, rather than feeling doubt. 

Be Prepared to Limit Exposure if Necessary 

If your relatives persist with their harmful comments, you may need to protect your child’s emotional safety by reducing their exposure to that environment. While connection with family is very important, it should not come at the cost of the unity and respect in your own immediate home. 

By calmly setting these boundaries, modelling respect, and consistently affirming your spouse’s culture, you can help to shield your child from confusion and ensure that they grow up valuing both sides of their unique identity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Family While Upholding Justice 

Islam teaches us to honour our family ties, while at the same time protecting the principles of justice, respect, and dignity. Allowing relatives to insult or undermine another person’s culture is something that harms the unity of a family, which is against the spirit of our Islamic values. 

The Command to Stand Firm for Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse reminds us that the principle of fairness must be upheld, even when family pressure can make it feel very difficult to do so. 

The Prohibition of Harmful Speech 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.’ 

This hadith teaches us that causing harm to others through our words is not the way of Islam, and this is especially true when it comes to our family members. By applying the principle of justice, setting respectful boundaries, and ensuring that your child always hears affirming words about both of their cultures, you are following the Islamic guidance of fairness and mercy. Your child will then learn from your example that unity, not mockery, is the true expression of faith and family honour.