Parenting Perspective 

It is a natural and common behaviour for children to notice when their parents have different opinions, and to then try to use those differences to get their own way. If one parent is generally more lenient and the other is stricter, a child will quickly learn to appeal to the parent with the softer response. This is not necessarily the sign of a manipulative child, but is often the sign of an intelligent one who is testing the boundaries of the home. The solution, therefore, is not to blame the child, but to strengthen the unity between the parents. 

Always Present a United Front 

You should agree privately on your major household rules, and then always present them to your child together. Using phrases like, ‘We have decided,’ instead of, ‘I think,’ is very helpful. This simple practice shows your child that both of their parents are on the same side. 

Discuss Your Disagreements in Private 

If you do happen to disagree on how to handle a particular situation, it is important not to argue about it in front of your child. It is better to pause the discussion and resolve it in private, and then to return to your child with a united response. 

Establish a Few Clear and Consistent Rules 

Write down a few key house rules that both of you are committed to enforcing. When this consistency is visible, your child will learn that there is no room for negotiation between their two parents. 

Praise Honesty and Respectful Communication 

When your child is able to communicate their needs openly, without trying to play you against each other, it is important to praise that honesty. Reinforcing this kind of respectful behaviour will make it more likely to continue in the future. 

By consistently showing this kind of unity, you can help your child to learn that their parents cannot be divided, and that showing respect for both of them is non-negotiable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Unity, Justice, and Fairness in Family Life 

Islam emphasises the qualities of unity, justice, and fairness within family life. When parents are able to stand together, they are reflecting the beautiful balance and harmony that is beloved by Allah, and they are protecting their child from the damaging effects of confusion and instability. 

The Command to Hold Firmly to Unity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 103: 

‘And hold firmly to the rope of Allah (Almighty) collectively and do not be divided…’ 

This verse reminds us that a commitment to unity is what prevents division and brings strength, and this is especially true within the family. 

Parents as a United Body 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believers, in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy, are just like one body. When one part of the body suffers, the whole body responds with wakefulness and fever.’ 

This hadith teaches us that parents should strive to remain united like one body, because any division between them has the power to weaken the entire family. By maintaining a united front and setting consistent rules, you are not only stopping your child from playing one parent against the other, but you are also nurturing the qualities of respect, clarity, and stability. These are the qualities that will strengthen both your family’s bond and their collective faith.