How do I stop myself from shutting down my child’s feelings too quickly? 

Parenting Perspective 

Feelings are Signals, Not Problems 

It is natural for parents to want to fix things quickly when their child is upset. Sometimes, in our hurry to calm the situation, we say things like, ‘Stop crying,’ ‘It is not a big deal,’ or, ‘You are fine.’ While these words are meant to comfort, they can make a child feel that their feelings are not welcome. The first step is to remind yourself that feelings are not problems to be erased but are signals to be understood. When your child shares big emotions, pause before you respond. Take a breath and listen fully, even if you feel uncomfortable. 

Practice and Model Gentle Responses 

Practise simple phrases that keep the door open for conversation: ‘Tell me more,’ or ‘I can see this is difficult for you.’ If you catch yourself shutting them down, gently apologise: ‘I am sorry, I should have listened better.’ This models that grown-ups make mistakes too and that feelings deserve respect. In calm moments, reflect on what makes you rush. Is it your own fear of big emotions? Remember, you do not have to solve every problem straight away. Sometimes your quiet presence is the most important comfort your child needs. Over time, these small changes help your child to trust that they can bring any feeling to you, and you will meet them with calm and mercy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully teaches us to handle hearts with care and patience. Allah Almighty reminds us that soft, understanding words keep relationships strong. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained in your heart, they would have dispersed from around you…‘

This verse is a gentle guide for parents too; a reminder that harsh words or dismissing feelings can push our children’s hearts away. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.‘

Your gentleness when your child is upset adds beauty to your bond. You can make a quiet Dua for yourself: ‘Ya Allah, help me listen with patience and hold my child’s feelings safely.’ By slowing down and welcoming your child’s emotions with mercy, you show them that they never need to hide what is in their heart, and you strengthen their trust in you and in Allah Almighty’s endless compassion.