Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply discouraging to watch one child begin to imitate the unhelpful or defiant behaviour of a sibling. This often happens because children are naturally drawn to confidence and attention, and even disruptive behaviour can seem powerful to a younger child seeking to belong. The solution lies not in punishment, but in a dual strategy: redirecting the older sibling’s influence towards positive leadership while simultaneously nurturing the younger one’s independence and sense of self. 

Why Children Copy 

Understanding the motivation behind the mimicry is the first step. A child often copies a sibling because the behaviour: 

• Makes them feel powerful or included in the sibling dynamic. 

• Garners significant attention from parents or the sibling themselves. 

• Seems like the normal or expected way to behave if it is repeated often. 

Channel the Older Sibling’s Leadership 

The older child already possesses influence; your task is to help them wield it for good. You can achieve this by praising their positive actions and framing good behaviour as true leadership. For example, you might say, ‘You are a natural leader. When you helped clear the table today, your brother immediately copied you. That shows how much your good actions matter.’ 

Build the Younger Sibling’s Individuality 

Support the younger child in developing a strong sense of their own identity so they feel less compelled to imitate. This can be done by praising their independent choices and encouraging unique hobbies or responsibilities that are theirs alone. For instance, acknowledging their positive choices reinforces their autonomy: ‘I love how you put your toys away even when your sister did not. That shows real independence.’ 

Establish Clear Family Rules 

Create a small number of simple, non-negotiable rules that apply to everyone, removing the idea that behaviour is a matter of personal choice. These rules become the family standard. Consider a visible chart with rules such as: 

• We speak to each other with respect. 

• We look after our own belongings. 

• We finish our tasks before we play. 

Minimise Attention on Copying 

When the negative copying occurs, correct it calmly and briefly, without a long lecture. Save your warmth, energy, and engagement for positive behaviours. This teaches both children that constructive actions, not disruption, are what earn meaningful parental attention. 

By balancing firm family rules with encouragement for individuality and positive leadership, you can gradually break the cycle of unhealthy imitation. Both children learn that respect and responsibility hold far more value and reward than negative behaviour. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the company we keep has a profound impact on our character. Within a family, this means that the influence siblings have over each other must be carefully guided by parents towards goodness. 

Following harmful examples inevitably leads to remorse, whereas choosing righteous role models is a path to success. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 27–28: 

‘ And on the Day (of Judgement), those imbued in the darkness (of their ignorance and immorality) shall bite their hands, and shall say: “How I wish I had adopted the pathways taught to me by the Messenger. Woe be unto me, how I wish that I had not taken so-and-so as a friend”.‘ 

This powerful image warns against the danger of following a poor role model. It underscores the parental duty to ensure a child does not lead their sibling down a path that ends in regret. 

The character of those we are closest to will shape our own. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith highlights that we adopt the habits and values of our closest companions. Siblings are often a child’s first and most constant friends. By encouraging the older child to lead with kindness and the younger one to stand strong in their own good choices, you are building a home where they are positive influences on each other. In this way, your children grow not only in their manners but also in their faith, becoming companions who strengthen each other’s path to Allah.