How do I stop bringing my own upbringing into the way I react when my child misbehaves? 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising Hereditary Reflexes 

When your child misbehaves and you find yourself responding with silence, yelling, or anguish, stop and consider whether this is really about them or how I was handled when I messed up. Unknowingly, a lot of parents reenact the emotional scenes from their own early years. These responses are hereditary reflexes and are not spontaneously determined. 

Creating a New Script 

Guilt is not the solution to this. It is acknowledgement. Begin by identifying your recurring responses: Do you freeze, yell, shame, or withdraw? These are your inherited defaults. Next, pick a new script that reflects the parent you wish to be, such as a statement, tone, or behaviour. For instance, practise saying, This is hard for you right now, let us figure it out, rather than, Why are you always like this? Do not expect perfection. 

Parenting with Purpose 

Repetition is necessary to rewire emotional tendencies. However, every deliberate reroute and delay creates a fracture in the generational cast. These pauses develop into new patterns throughout time. Not only are you responding differently, but you are parenting with purpose rather than by inheritance.

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey:

 Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours lineage, but it does not chain us to it. Each generation is invited to rise higher. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ra’ad (13), Verse 11: 

“…Indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not alter (the condition) of any nation, unless they start to make positive changes by themselves…. “

By parenting in a different way, you are not betraying your parents. You are making the decision to grow. By choosing compassion over harshness, even in situations where harshness was the norm, The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ changed his community. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that he said: 

“He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young. “

This Hadith confirms that mercy is a part of the prophetic heritage and is not an option. Even when being cruel seems natural, choosing to be gentle is a sacred act of reform. You are healing more than one heart each time you choose a different route and refuse to repeat what was done to you. You are nurturing yourself with compassion and your child with love, and both are equally deserving. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey: