How Do I Stop a Child Who Chases a Frightened Younger Sibling? 

Parenting Perspective 

When an older child chases a younger sibling who is clearly scared, it is often a mixture of misjudged play and an imbalance of emotional power. The older child may not intend to cause harm but enjoys the sense of control, while the younger one feels trapped or humiliated. This dynamic is damaging for both children: one learns that another’s fear can be a source of fun, while the other learns that home is not always a safe space. Your aim is to stop the behaviour instantly while preserving the dignity of both children and teaching empathy, not to erupt in anger or deliver a lecture. 

Interrupt the Pattern Immediately 

Intervene quickly but stay calm. You can step between them and say firmly, ‘This game is over now; she looks scared.’ It is best to avoid phrases like ‘Stop being mean’ or ‘You are being a bully,’ which can make the older child defensive. Instead, focus on what you can see: ‘Her face looks frightened. Your job is to help her feel safe, not scared.’ Your tone should convey certainty, not punishment. 

Separate and Soothe 

Guide both children to different spaces for a moment. Give your comfort to the younger one first, as their physical and emotional safety must always come before reasoning. Then, turn to the older child privately and state clearly, ‘When someone is running away because they are afraid, it is not a game anymore.’ Keep your voice even and calm; your quiet authority will hold more power than shouting. 

Help the Older Child Read Cues 

Most children who engage in this kind of chasing do not fully recognise the cues of fear in others. You can ask, ‘What did her face look like? What kinds of sounds was she making? Was she laughing or crying?’ When they are able to identify the shift, you can explain, ‘That is how we know the fun is over.’ This helps to train their emotional literacy, which is the ability to notice and respect another person’s signals. 

Offer a Fair and Restorative Consequence 

A good consequence is one that teaches repair, not revenge. The older child might lose the privilege of initiating games for the rest of the day, but they can earn it back through positive action, such as setting up a calm and cooperative game the next time. You could say, ‘You can show me safe play tomorrow by asking her first, “Do you want to play chase?” and by stopping as soon as she says stop.’ This approach turns discipline into a learning process. 

Coach the Younger Child in Assertive Safety 

Teach your younger child to say a clear, strong phrase like, ‘Stop! Not fun!’ or to raise their hand in a firm gesture. Allow them to practise this in a calm moment while you observe and back them up. Knowing how to assert their own boundaries helps to restore their confidence and can prevent long-term feelings of fear. 

Model Emotional Responsibility 

Later, you can talk to the older child in a private moment of reflection. Ask, ‘When you saw she was scared, what was happening inside you?’ Sometimes this kind of chasing is a form of displaced emotion, such as frustration, competition, or a need for attention. Recognising the underlying feeling helps the child to understand that their strength and their capacity for care can coexist. 

Reinforce Empathy in Everyday Life 

Make sure to praise their awareness whenever you see it: ‘You noticed she looked nervous and you slowed down. That was real leadership.’ Over time, their sense of empathy will become a source of pride, not a burden. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic ethics teaches us to show gentleness, mercy, and protection towards those who are weaker or younger than us. Allowing fear-based play to continue not only harms the trust between siblings, but it also erodes the rahmah (mercy) that should fill a Muslim home. Stopping the chase is therefore both a behavioural correction and a form of spiritual training in compassion. 

Mercy as the Mark of Strength 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anbiyaa (21), Verses 107: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) did not send you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), except as a mercy for the whole of the trans-universal existence.‘ 

This reminds us that mercy, not dominance, is the truest reflection of greatness. When your older child learns to protect rather than to provoke, they are walking in the footsteps of the mercy that was taught by the Prophet ﷺ. 

The Duty to Show Kindness to the Young 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This teaches us that kindness towards those who are younger is a defining mark of our faith. When your child restrains themselves from frightening a sibling, they are practising an act of mercy, which is a trait that elevates both their play and their character. 

After restoring peace, you can gather both children and make a short du’a together: ‘O Allah, please fill our home with mercy, laughter, and safety.’ Over time, the older child will come to see that true leadership is not about power, but about protection, and the younger sibling will learn that home is a place where fun will never come at the cost of their fear.