How do I step in if my child copies bullying behaviour at school? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is both alarming and painful to discover that your child is copying bullying behaviour they have witnessed. Many parents immediately fear their child will be labelled a bully. It is important to understand that children often imitate such actions to feel powerful, to belong to a group, or to avoid being targeted themselves. This does not mean they are destined to become a bully, but it is a critical moment that requires firm and wise intervention to protect both their character and the well-being of others. 

Understand Why Children Copy Bullying 

Children are often drawn to bullying for reasons related to social dynamics and insecurity. They may copy this behaviour because: 

• They observe bullies gaining attention, status, or a sense of control. 

• They fear being rejected by a peer group or want to avoid becoming a victim themselves. 

• They are testing boundaries to see what behaviour is permissible. 

Recognising these motives allows you to guide your child with clarity and firmness, rather than just anger. 

Make Your Standard Clear 

Sit with your child and state your family’s rule on this matter in a calm but serious tone. 

‘In our family, we never hurt others with our words or our actions. Bullying is not a joke, it is not acceptable, and it will not be tolerated.’ 

Children need to hear a clear, unambiguous message that bullying is never justified. 

Encourage Empathy 

Help your child connect their actions to the feelings of others. Guide them to imagine the pain and humiliation experienced by those being bullied. 

Ask a simple question: ‘How would you feel if someone treated you that way in front of all your friends?’ 

This reflection is often the first step in awakening their compassion and making the act of bullying seem less appealing. 

Teach Better Ways to Belong 

Often, copying negative behaviour is a misguided attempt to find social standing. Provide your child with positive, alternative strategies to gain friendships and feel accepted. 

• Helping a classmate who is struggling. 

• Joining group activities in a respectful and cooperative manner. 

• Using kind humour that makes people laugh without causing harm. 

By giving your child safe and constructive ways to feel a sense of belonging, you reduce the temptation to copy harmful behaviours. 

Monitor and Follow Up 

Inform your child’s teacher about your concerns so you can stay aware of any patterns at school. This shows your child that you are serious about addressing the behaviour, but also that you are there to support them in making better choices. Praise small improvements, such as choosing kind words or walking away from a negative situation. 

Through these steps, you can help your child unlearn this harmful behaviour and replace it with respect and responsibility. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, causing harm to others whether physically, verbally, or emotionally is a serious sin. Bullying is the antithesis of the mercy and compassion that should define a believer. Children must be taught that true strength is found in kindness, not in cruelty. 

Mocking or belittling others is forbidden, as the one being mocked may hold a far greater rank in the sight of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘ Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse teaches a profound lesson in humility and reminds us that outward appearances or social status are meaningless to Allah. 

A true Muslim is defined as a source of safety and peace for others. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe.’ 

This hadith provides a clear and simple measure of our faith: do our words and actions make others feel safe, or do they cause harm? When you guide your child away from bullying, you are not only correcting their behaviour but shaping their heart. They learn that real strength lies in mercy and that dignity is gained through kindness.