How do I stay patient if my child refuses to eat after I decline their choice? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child pushes their food away or refuses to eat because you did not agree to their preferred meal, it can stir feelings of frustration and of guilt within you. You may find yourself thinking, ‘After all of the effort I have put in, why will they not just eat?’, or you may even feel tempted to give in for the sake of a moment’s peace. This situation, however, is not just about the food; it is about setting boundaries and teaching the virtues of gratitude and of resilience. Your patience in these moments is not a sign of allowing their defiance; it is a form of calm guidance. 

Understanding the Power Struggle Behind the Refusal 

For a young child, food is one of the few areas where they feel a sense of control. When they are not able to have their preferred dish, the act of refusing to eat can become a way for them to express their frustration or to try to reclaim a sense of power. Recognising this can help you to remain calm. Their refusal is a form of emotional communication, not an act of rebellion. The key is to avoid turning your mealtimes into a battlefield. 

A Calm and Reassuring Script 

When your child refuses to eat after you have declined their choice of meal, you can respond with both empathy and with firmness. It is important to acknowledge their feeling, while also holding your boundary with a sense of calmness. You can then offer them some reassurance, without entering into a negotiation. A calm tone can help to prevent the situation from escalating, and can build a sense of both respect and of security in your child. You could say, ‘I know that you wanted to have something else today, and that it can be hard when you do not get your first choice. This is the meal that we are all having tonight. You do not have to eat it right now, but there will not be a different option later on.’ 

Handling a Continued Refusal 

If your child still refuses to eat, it is best to carry on with your own meal in a quiet and composed way. It is important to avoid coaxing them or chasing them around the room with their food. This helps to model a sense of self-respect and of emotional stability. Later on, when they tell you that they are hungry, you can gently remind them, ‘You can eat the dinner that I have made for you. It is still available.’ They may try to test your resolve once or twice, but your consistency will help to build their trust and can teach them that your family mealtimes have a clear sense of structure, not of constant negotiation. 

Spiritual Insight 

A sense of patience at the dinner table may seem like a small thing, but it is in fact a sacred act of discipline. Islam teaches us that the qualities of gratitude and of moderation are two of the key marks of a good character, and our food is a daily opportunity for us to be able to practise both. When you are able to remain patient while your child is refusing to eat, you are modelling the virtues of sabr (steadfastness) and of shukr (gratitude), two qualities that can nourish both the body and the heart. 

The Quranic View on Gratitude and Balance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ibraheem (14), Verse 7: 

‘And (remember) when your Sustainer made this declaration; (saying that): “If you show gratitude, I (Allah Almighty) will indeed, amplify them for you (provisions and sustenance); however, if you become ungrateful, then indeed, My punishment is Meticulous (in execution)”.’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of gratitude is what invites a greater sense of blessing into our lives. Teaching your child to appreciate the food that has been served to them, even when it is not their favourite, can help to plant the seeds of thankfulness in them from an early age. 

The Prophetic Example of Simplicity and Thanks 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 4172, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Messenger of Allah never criticised food. If he liked it, he ate it; if he disliked it, he left it.’ 

This hadith shows us the Prophet’s ﷺ own humility and grace in his daily life. He taught by his own beautiful example that a feeling of dissatisfaction should never have to lead to a complaint or to a show of disrespect. When you are able to respond to your child’s refusal to eat in a calm and a patient way, you are echoing his noble example. 

When your child refuses to eat because you have declined their own choice of meal, you can remember in that moment that your own calmness is the real nourishment that you are offering them. You are helping to feed their character, not just their stomach, by teaching them that a sense of patience, of gratitude, and of respect is what can make every meal a truly meaningful one. 

Each of your own quiet responses can help to build in them a foundation of emotional steadiness. Your child is learning from you that your love for them does not have to mean that you surrender to their every demand, and that their own sense of disappointment does not have to erase the feeling of your care for them. Over time, they will remember not the meal that they may have refused to eat, but the calm and loving patience that you were able to serve alongside it.