How do I spot subtle favouritism in my tone or body language? 

Parenting Perspective 

Favouritism is not always expressed through spoken words. Children are highly perceptive and often notice it in the smallest of signals, such as a parent’s tone of voice, gestures, or the amount of attention given. Even unintentional patterns of behaviour can leave one child feeling overlooked while another feels preferred. The first and most important step is developing your own awareness by reflecting on your words and body language to ensure you are treating each child with fairness. 

Pay Attention to Your Tone and Warmth 

Take a moment to notice how you speak to each of your children. Do you find that you sound warmer and more patient with one, while your tone is sharper or more hurried with another? You could try recording yourself during an interaction or simply reflecting afterwards to catch any unconscious patterns. A consistent difference in tone, however small, can communicate a sense of partiality to your children. 

Observe Your Body Language and Attention 

Children often read our faces and posture more accurately than they hear our words. Notice whether you tend to smile more often at one child, maintain eye contact with them for longer, or sigh more quickly when interacting with another. Even the way you orient your body, such as leaning in versus crossing your arms, can signal a sense of either closeness or distance. 

Compare How You Praise and Correct 

It is helpful to ask yourself, ‘Do I highlight this child’s mistakes more than I notice their efforts?’ or ‘Do I celebrate one child’s achievements with more enthusiasm than the other’s?’ Striving to keep your praise and your discipline balanced ensures that both of your children feel equally valued and seen. 

By actively observing your tone and body language, you can begin to correct any subtle signs of favouritism and show each of your children that your love is abundant and not something that needs to be divided between them. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, the principle of justice (‘adl) is paramount and extends to all of our dealings, especially within the family. Ensuring that each child is treated with fairness is not just good practice but a sacred duty. 

The Divine Command for Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that the command to be just must extend into our family lives, ensuring that no child ever feels overlooked or less worthy than their siblings. 

The Prophetic Warning Against Unfairness 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 49, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This direct and profound guidance teaches us that fairness between our children is not an optional extra; it is a matter of our taqwa (God-consciousness). 

By consciously monitoring your tone, body language, and attention, you can embody this beautiful Prophetic instruction in your parenting. Your children will learn from your example that in their family, love is not a competition but a shared gift, one that reflects the justice and mercy that are so beloved by Allah Almighty.