How do I sit with tears without rushing to cheer them up? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child cries, a parent’s every instinct is often to make the tears stop. We want to fix the problem, offer a sweet distraction, or say, ‘Do not cry, it is okay.’ Yet, there are times when their tears are not meant to be erased, but rather to be embraced. Sitting with your child’s tears, without rushing to cheer them up, is one of the hardest yet most healing acts of parenting. It asks you to hold space for their feelings, not to find immediate solutions. 

The Power of Emotional Presence 

Crying is not a sign of weakness or misbehaviour; it is the heart’s way of releasing tension, grief, and unmet needs. When we rush to stop the tears, we can unintentionally send the message that sadness is an unsafe or unwelcome emotion. In contrast, when we stay beside them, calm, accepting, and silent if needed, we teach them a powerful emotional lesson: that all of their feelings are survivable and valid. A gentle way to begin is by softening your own body language. Sit close, remain quiet for a moment, and offer your physical presence before offering words. A hand on their shoulder or a slow nod says, ‘I am here. You can feel this.’ This helps their nervous system to co-regulate with yours, allowing them to move from distress to safety naturally. 

What to Say and What to Avoid 

It is helpful to avoid phrases that dismiss or minimise the child’s feelings. 

• ‘Do not cry, it is not a big deal.’ 

• ‘You are fine, stop crying.’ 

• ‘Be strong.’ 

Instead, try using phrases that validate their emotion without judgment. 

• ‘I can see this really hurts.’ 

• ‘I am here with you.’ 

• ‘Take all the time you need. You can tell me when you are ready.’ 

These responses show your child that tears are not something to be fixed, but something to be felt through with support. 

Responding When Your Child Resists Comfort 

Sometimes, children who are upset may reject comfort altogether, pushing you away or saying, ‘Leave me alone.’ It is important to respect that need for space while gently reminding them that you are still near: ‘Okay, I will sit here quietly until you are ready.’ This reassurance gives them both autonomy and connection, two things that children deeply crave when they feel overwhelmed. When they eventually come close, it is best to avoid analysing their behaviour or asking too many questions. Simply be present with them. 

The Long-Term Impact of Emotional Modelling 

When you model calmness in the face of tears, your child learns that emotions are not emergencies. This is a crucial lesson for their developing emotional intelligence and for their future relationships. They begin to understand that sadness is not an enemy but a visitor, one that passes when it is met with compassion rather than avoidance. Ultimately, sitting with their tears is not about tolerating discomfort; it is about teaching them what emotional safety feels like. You are saying, without words, ‘You are loved, even when you cry.’ That lesson will stay with them long after the tears have dried. 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, tears are not a sign of weakness but of a heart that feels, a heart that is still alive and connected to Allah Almighty. Both joy and sorrow are tests of sincerity and patience, and both can bring us closer to Him when they are met with presence rather than panic. 

Patience in the Midst of the Storm 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 155–157: 

‘ And indeed, very soon We (Allah Almighty) will test you with something: with fear; and hunger; and impoverishment of wealth and life and fruits of life; and give good news to those who are resilient. Those are the people when they come across any tribulation; they say “Indeed, we (came) from Allah (Almighty) and indeed, we will return to Him.” Those are the ones (who are the recipients) of blessings from their Sustainer, and His (Allah Almighty) mercy; and they are the ones who are (truly) guided.‘ 

This reminds us that patience (sabr) is not passive waiting; it is an act of active faith in the midst of pain. When a parent sits with a child’s tears without rushing to fix them, they are modelling sabr in its purest form: staying grounded and trusting that peace will return when Allah wills it. 

The Prophetic Example of Mercy Before Authority 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 355, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones, nor honour our elders.’ 

This teaches us that mercy, not control, is the foundation of prophetic parenting. The holy Prophet ﷺ never shamed tears, even in adults. His example reminds us that love shown in action is far more powerful than correction delivered in haste. 

In moments of sadness, both you and your child are invited to a sacred kind of nearness, to each other and to Allah Almighty. Allow those quiet minutes to become a form of dhikr, a remembrance that even in sorrow, we are held. When your child learns that crying in your arms is safe, they also learn that turning to Allah in moments of vulnerability is safe. Each tear can become a seed of tawakkul, the trust that healing lies not in denying pain, but in sitting with it, knowing that Allah sees, knows, and cares.