Parenting Perspective 

Children learn just as much from watching how their parents handle disagreements as they do from the formal rules and guidance they are given. If they witness shouting, dismissive tones, or the ‘silent treatment,’ they may be left feeling unsafe, or they may even copy those same behaviours later in their own relationships. However, if they see disagreements being handled with respect, deep listening, and calm words, they will learn that differences of opinion are a natural part of life and are not something to be threatened by. The key is not necessarily to hide all of your disagreements, but to model healthy and respectful ways of managing them. 

Model Respectful Dialogue 

It is helpful to use phrases that demonstrate a commitment to listening and empathy, even when you disagree. 

• ‘I hear what you are saying. Can we think about another way to approach this?’ 

• ‘I understand your point of view; here is how I am seeing it.’ 

This teaches your child that even when opinions differ, a baseline of respect must always remain. 

Avoid Raising Your Voices 

Try to keep your tone of voice steady and calm. Children often remember how you sounded more than what you actually said. A gentle and measured voice shows them that a disagreement can be resolved without hostility. 

Show Problem-Solving in Action 

For less sensitive matters, it can be beneficial to let your child see how you are able to compromise. For example, you could say, ‘Mummy would prefer your bedtime to be at nine o’clock, and Daddy would prefer eight-thirty, so we have agreed together on eight forty-five.’ This simple act demonstrates teamwork and flexibility in a way your child can easily understand. 

Reassure Them with a Sense of Unity 

After you have had a disagreement, it is important to affirm your unity in front of your child by saying something like, ‘We have talked about it and we have found a solution together.’ This provides them with a deep sense of emotional security and reinforces the idea that their parents will always remain a team. 

By intentionally modelling respect in your disagreements, you can turn these moments into powerful lessons in maturity, emotional safety, and cooperation for your child. 

Spiritual Insight 

Mercy, Patience, and Consultation in Conflict 

Islam values the qualities of mercy, patience, and consultation as the primary means of resolving conflicts. Showing respect during a disagreement is not just a feature of good parenting; it is also an act of worship that reflects the beautiful character of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. 

The Command to Communicate with Mercy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This verse reminds us that our words must always be chosen with wisdom and care. Harsh speech is a tool that fuels division, while gentle and well-chosen words help to preserve unity. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentleness 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2013, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Nothing is placed in gentleness except that it beautifies it, and nothing is removed from gentleness except that it makes it ugly.’ 

This teaches us that respectful communication has the power to beautify even the most difficult of disagreements, while a harsh approach can only cause damage. When parents are able to disagree respectfully, they show their children that their unity is not based on always having the same opinion, but on a shared commitment to love, patience, and honouring each other’s voices. This helps to create a safe family culture that is rooted in Islamic values, where differences can become a source of strength, rather than a cause for division.