How do I show my child that an apology is empty if behaviour does not change? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often believe that simply saying ‘sorry’ is enough to resolve a situation, even if they repeat the same behaviour soon after. It is important to teach them that words lose their meaning without a corresponding change in action. The goal is not to make them feel guilty, but to guide them towards a deeper understanding of responsibility and sincerity. 

Explain That Actions Give Apologies Weight 

Tell your child in simple terms, ‘Saying sorry is an important first step, but if you keep doing the same thing, the words start to feel less real. A true apology is when your actions show that you are really trying to do better.’ This helps to make the connection between words and behaviour clear. 

Use Relatable Examples 

Children can understand this concept better when you use scenarios they can relate to. For example: ‘If I kept promising to play a game with you but I never actually did it, would my apology mean very much to you?’ This kind of question helps them to reflect on how an empty apology feels to the person who receives it. 

Link the Apology to Practical Change 

After your child has offered an apology, you can ask, ‘That is a good start. Now, what can you do differently next time to show me that you truly mean it?’ Encourage them to think of small, concrete actions. This helps to shift the focus of an apology from empty words to real growth. 

Reinforce Efforts Towards Change 

When you do see your child making a real effort to follow through on their apology, make sure to acknowledge it. A simple comment like, ‘I saw you waiting for your turn today. That shows you really meant it when you said you were sorry yesterday,’ makes their sincere effort feel rewarding. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true repentance (tawbah) is composed of two parts: asking for forgiveness and making a sincere effort to avoid repeating the mistake. In the same way, parents can teach their children that a meaningful apology must be paired with an intention to change. 

Repentance and Reform 

The Quran makes it clear that Allah’s forgiveness is tied not only to the act of repenting but also to the sincere effort to reform one’s behaviour afterwards. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 39: 

‘So whoever repents after their wrongdoing, and reforms (themselves), so indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall except his repentance…’ 

The Power of Sincere Repentance 

The prophetic tradition teaches that a sincere change of behaviour is so powerful that it can wipe away the mistake, but this requires a real effort, not just empty words. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4250, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who repents from sin is like the one who never sinned.’ 

By connecting an apology to the Islamic principle of sincere repentance, you are helping your child to see that words are only the beginning of the process. True honour and strength come when they support those words with a genuine change of heart and action, which is a lesson that will shape their character for life.