How do I set device rules for myself so my child sees boundaries as mutual, not one-sided? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children observe that rules apply to everyone in the family, including their parents, they are far more likely to view them as fair and reasonable. Modelling healthy technology habits yourself demonstrates that these boundaries are about shared values, not just about controlling them. 

Be Honest About Your Own Challenges 

It is helpful to admit your own struggles openly. Saying something like, ‘I also find it difficult to put my phone down sometimes,’ makes you more relatable and shows that you are working on the habit together. This makes the boundaries feel less like orders from above. 

Create Family-Wide Commitments 

Rather than creating rules that only apply to your child, establish commitments that affect the whole family. These could include having no devices at the dinner table, using a shared family charging station at night, or designating certain hours in the evening as tech-free. 

Model Accountability 

If you do not adhere to a rule, acknowledge it honestly. Saying, ‘I broke our no-screens-at-dinner rule; I will make sure I do better tomorrow,’ models accountability. It shows that you take the shared commitments seriously and are also on a journey of improvement. 

By holding yourself to the same standards, you teach your child that these boundaries are a collective effort to protect relationships and well-being for everyone in the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on fairness, humility, and leading by example. Parents are seen as shepherds for their families, and a core part of that role is to embody the values they wish to see in their children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verses 2–3: 

‘O you who are believers, why do you say (to others) that) which you do not do (yourself)? It is highly detested by Allah (Almighty) that you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself)…‘ 

These powerful verses remind us that living by the guidance we give to others is essential for maintaining trust and credibility. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

This teaches us that our responsibility as parents includes modelling the very discipline and habits we hope to foster in our children. 

By creating and adhering to your own device rules alongside your child, you demonstrate that boundaries are a shared and respected commitment to a healthier, more connected family life.