Parenting Perspective 

One of the most challenging aspects of discipline is not only choosing a fair consequence but also having the composure to apply it later without anger. Parents often declare a consequence in a moment of frustration, only to forget it or enforce it harshly later on. The key is to ensure consequences are realistic and connected to the behaviour, so your child sees them as guidance, not punishment. 

Choose Consequences You Can Keep 

Before you state a consequence, take a moment to ask yourself: ‘Is this something I can realistically follow through on?’ If not, do not say it. For example, instead of declaring, ‘You will never use the tablet again!’, a far better alternative is, ‘If you do not turn it off now, you will not be able to use it tomorrow.’ This approach keeps discipline fair, believable, and effective. 

Separate Emotion From Action 

Once a rule has been broken and a consequence decided upon, try to emotionally detach from the enforcement of it. Remind yourself: ‘The consequence is already set. My only job now is to apply it calmly.’ This helps you to remain calm, as the decision is no longer tied to your anger in the moment, but to a pre-agreed and fair outcome. 

Apply Calmly and Consistently 

When the time comes to enforce the consequence, state it in a steady and matter-of-fact voice: ‘Because you threw the toy earlier, you have lost your time with it for today.’ Avoid long lectures or bringing up the issue again. Your calm consistency demonstrates that the rules are dependable and that the consequences are not personal attacks. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great deal of value on fairness and patience, reminding believers that any consequences for wrongdoing should be just, consistent, and free from rashness. Parents can reflect this balance by disciplining with calmness and truth. 

The Command for Justice and Fairness 

The Quran commands believers to adhere to justice in all their affairs. This principle is a cornerstone of Islamic parenting, where discipline must be free from oppression and rooted in fairness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).‘ 

Avoiding Harshness in Disagreements 

The prophetic tradition teaches that being severe or harsh when correcting others is a quality that is disliked by Allah. This guides parents to choose calmness and fairness over anger. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 5379, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most hated of people to Allah is the one who is severe in argument.’ 

By setting consequences that are fair and applying them calmly, you embody the justice and gentleness of Islamic parenting. Your child not only learns accountability but also feels secure in the knowledge that your love and discipline are steady, not swayed by anger.