How do I see that ‘fidgeting’ is self-regulation, not disrespect? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to interpret a child’s fidgeting as a sign of disrespect or disinterest. However, understanding the underlying reasons for this behaviour can shift our perspective. Fidgeting is often a form of self regulation, especially in children with conditions such as ADHD or anxiety. It is a coping mechanism that helps them manage their emotions, maintain focus, and navigate overwhelming situations. 

A tool for focus 

Paradoxically, some children concentrate better when they engage in fidgeting. The act of moving can help them channel excess energy, making it easier to focus on tasks. Engaging in repetitive movements can also stimulate the brain, enhancing cognitive engagement and reducing the likelihood of distraction. 

A channel for emotional and sensory needs 

Fidgeting can serve as a tool for emotional self regulation. It allows children to manage feelings of anxiety, restlessness, or frustration by providing a physical outlet. For some children, fidgeting also helps them process sensory information more effectively. It can provide the necessary sensory input to stay grounded and attentive. 

How to support your child’s self-regulation 

• Provide appropriate tools: Offer fidget toys or tools that are discreet and non disruptive, allowing your child to self regulate without drawing unnecessary attention. 

• Create a supportive environment: Establish a structured routine and a calm environment to help your child feel secure and reduce the need for self soothing behaviours. 

• Open communication: Discuss with your child how they feel during moments of fidgeting. Understanding their experiences can guide you in providing the right support. 

• Professional guidance: If fidgeting is interfering with daily activities or learning, consider consulting with an occupational therapist or child psychologist for tailored strategies. 

By recognising fidgeting as a form of self regulation, parents can respond with empathy and support, fostering an environment where children feel understood and empowered. 

Spiritual Insight 

Understanding and supporting a child’s need for self regulation through fidgeting aligns with Islamic principles of compassion and patience. The holy Prophet Muhammad `ﷺ` emphasised the importance of understanding and accommodating the needs of others, especially within the family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity...’ 

This verse reassures us that each individual is equipped with the capacity to handle their challenges. Recognising that a child’s fidgeting is a means of managing their internal state reflects an understanding of their unique needs and capacities. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad `ﷺ` said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.’ 

This hadith underscores the importance of empathy and understanding towards others. By acknowledging and supporting a child’s self regulation through fidgeting, parents embody this principle, fostering an environment of care and mutual respect. 

Recognising fidgeting as a form of self regulation allows parents to approach the behaviour with compassion and understanding. This perspective not only supports the child’s emotional and sensory needs but also aligns with Islamic values of patience, empathy, and familial responsibility. By responding thoughtfully, parents can guide their children in managing their behaviours in a way that is both effective and spiritually aligned.