How do I reward effort without turning every task into “what do I get?” 

Parenting Perspective 

Encouragement is vital for a child’s development, and a simple expression of praise like ‘well done’ can lift their spirits immensely. However, if every achievement is met with a toy, a sweet treat, or extra screen time, you may find your child begins to ask, “What do I get?” instead of feeling joy in the effort itself. The key challenge is to teach children the inherent value of effort, while ensuring they still feel seen and appreciated for their hard work.

 

Focus on Praise, Not Prizes Rewards, Praise and Positive Encouragement

The first important shift is to focus on praise over prizes. Instead of consistently rewarding with material things, try rewarding with sincere words, your presence, and increased responsibility. For example: 

• “I noticed how hard you tried with your homework, and that means a lot to me.” 

• “You kept going even when it was tricky. That shows real strength.” 

• “Since you showed such wonderful effort today, would you like to choose the family Dua for tonight?” 

The underlying message is that the effort matters, not just the outcome. Recognition can also be non-material. This could be extra time spent together, choosing the bedtime story, a heartfelt hug, or the gift of trust, such as being asked to help with an important “grown-up” task. These actions teach children that consistent effort earns respect, connection, and trust, not just temporary rewards. 

Building an Internal Compass for Motivation 

Achieving the right balance is key. Children do benefit from occasional rewards, but it is important to mix these with moments that highlight the intrinsic value of an action. When your child asks, “What do I get?”, you can respond with gentle reminders: 

• “You get the wonderful feeling of knowing you did something good for Allah Almighty and for our family.” 

• “You get my respect, and that is worth more than any sweet.” 

You can also weave the theme of effort into your family’s daily reflections. At dinner, you could ask everyone to share one thing they tried hard at that day. This normalises effort as something to be celebrated, not something to be bargained for. If you do give tangible rewards, it is best to keep them occasional and unpredictable, so they do not become the sole motivation for trying. 

Your aim is not to remove joy from rewards, but to widen your child’s perspective: effort is an act of growth, responsibility, and worship, not simply a transaction. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, reward is understood as something far beyond the material. Allah Almighty does not only reward based on results, but He also rewards the sincere intention and the effort behind an action. This is a profound principle that Muslim parents can model within the home. A child who learns that trying sincerely is valuable is learning a deeply Islamic lesson. 

The Divine Value of Effort 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

This verse teaches that the very act of striving is worthy of reward. Even if a task is not completed perfectly, the effort is seen and recognised by Allah Almighty. Parents can reflect this Divine model by showing their children that their attempts carry dignity and are met with love and acknowledgement, regardless of the final outcome. 

The Prophetic Model of Encouragement 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encouraged his companions with kindness and recognition rather than with constant material gifts. He praised sincerity, acknowledged small acts of goodness, and reminded people that Allah Almighty values hidden effort just as much as visible results. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 75, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Deeds are but by intention, and every man shall have only that which he intended.’ 

This Hadith highlights that effort tied to a sincere intention is what truly matters. Teaching your child to value effort without always expecting a ‘payment’ nurtures a mindset of sincerity, resilience, and reliance on Allah (Tawakkul). It shows them that their striving has spiritual weight, even when it goes unnoticed by others. 

When your child feels that their effort is valued in both your eyes and, more importantly, in the sight of Allah Almighty, they will learn to try not for a prize, but for a higher purpose.