How do I respond when waiting leads to my child hitting or pushing? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be shocking when a child lashes out physically while waiting by pushing, hitting, or grabbing. This behaviour, however, is usually not a sign of deliberate cruelty but a reflection of an undeveloped skill. Your child is not trying to be hurtful; they are struggling to manage the flood of frustration that comes with having to wait. These moments are not only about discipline but are also an opportunity for emotional coaching, teaching your child how to calm their inner storm before it spills over into action. 

Stay Calm and Intervene Safely 

Your first responsibility is to ensure safety, but this must be done with gentleness. Intervene firmly but without anger, saying, ‘I cannot let you hit or push. Hurting others is not acceptable.’ If needed, you can hold their hands gently to prevent further harm, then lower your voice and add, ‘I know waiting feels hard right now, but we do not hurt people when we are upset.’ By keeping your voice steady, you separate the feeling, which is valid, from the action, which is not. 

Name the Emotion and Model Composure 

Children often resort to hitting when they cannot find the words for their anger or frustration. Help them by giving language to their emotion: ‘You feel angry because you want your turn now. I understand. Let us take a deep breath together.’ This small act of empathy helps them to feel seen, which can defuse the emotional charge. When you remain calm, your composure becomes the template for their own self-control. 

Redirect the Physical Urge 

Once your child has calmed a little, explain the boundary in a simple and consistent way. You could say, ‘When you feel like hitting, it means you need help with waiting. You can hold my hand or squeeze this pillow instead.’ This helps to redirect their physical urge into something safe and predictable. Over time, these alternatives can become their go-to coping habits. 

Teach the Importance of Repair 

When everyone is calm, revisit what happened. You could ask, ‘You hit your sister when you felt angry. What can we do to make it right?’ Helping them to apologise and reconnect teaches them that frustration can end in reconciliation, not guilt. Repairing the relationship is as important as setting the limit, as it teaches accountability without shame. 

Reinforce Positive Self-Control 

Try to catch your child when they manage even a small success. You might say, ‘I saw you were waiting just then, and you did not hit. That was very strong and kind of you.’ Positive attention trains their mind to associate patience with a sense of pride rather than with punishment. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, strength and good character are measured not by our control over others, but by our control over ourselves. Teaching a child to manage their anger without causing harm is therefore a vital part of their spiritual training. As a parent, responding with calm strength mirrors the mercy and restraint that Allah Almighty loves. 

The Quranic View on True Strength 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse teaches that restraining anger and showing forgiveness are signs of excellence. By helping your child to hold back their hurtful impulses, you are guiding them toward ihsan, which is doing what is beautiful in the sight of Allah Almighty. 

The Prophetic Honour in Controlling Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4186, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever restrains his anger when he is able to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of creation on the Day of Resurrection and let him choose from the Hur al-‘Ayn whomever he wants.’ 

Meaning: This hadith highlights that controlling one’s anger is a mark of great honour before Allah Almighty. When you teach your child to express their frustration in a safe way, and you model calmness while doing so, you are helping to cultivate a heart that is capable of patience and mercy. 

Each moment of hitting or pushing is not just misbehaviour; it is a call for guidance. When you respond firmly yet gently, you transform a moment of chaos into one of learning. Over time, your child will discover that waiting can be endured without hurting others, that a calm response brings connection, and that true strength lies not in force, but in faith, restraint, and peace.