How do I respond when the teacher says my child does not follow instructions? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be worrying or frustrating to hear from a teacher that your child is not following instructions in class. Your first instinct might be to feel defensive. This feedback, however, is often an opening for a deeper understanding, not a moment for blame. The first step is to approach the conversation with a calm and curious mind, asking for specific examples rather than accepting general statements. Questions like, ‘Can you tell me when this usually happens?’ or ‘What were the instructions and how did my child respond?’ can help to turn the discussion into a problem-solving exercise rather than a criticism. 

Understanding the Root Cause 

A child’s difficulty in following directions can stem from many sources. These may include distractions in the classroom, anxiety, or a simple difficulty in processing information. Some children need a moment to absorb what has been said before they can act, while others might misread the teacher’s tone or non-verbal cues. It can be helpful to observe whether your child shows similar patterns at home. If they do, try breaking tasks down into smaller steps and ensuring you have their eye contact before speaking. After giving an instruction, you can gently ask, ‘Can you tell me what we are doing first?’ This helps them to internalise and rehearse the step. 

Working Collaboratively with the Teacher 

It is important to approach the teacher as an ally, not an adversary. You can express your shared intention by saying, ‘We both want to help them succeed. Let us see what support might work best.’ Teachers often respond more positively when they feel that parents are engaged and open, rather than defensive. You could suggest strategies such as visual prompts, brief reminders, or hands-on demonstrations. Keeping the lines of communication open and celebrating small moments of progress will help your child to see the adults in their life working as a team. 

Modelling Respectful Listening at Home 

Children absorb our patterns of communication. If they see their parents listening patiently, making eye contact, and responding thoughtfully, they learn that giving attention is a form of respect. You can build this skill through playful listening games, such as ‘Simon Says’. It is important to praise the effort, not the perfection. You might say, ‘I like how you waited before starting. That shows you were listening carefully.’ The aim is not an obedience born of fear, but a mindfulness that comes from a true understanding. 

When parents and teachers handle feedback with a calm and collaborative spirit, children feel supported rather than shamed. They begin to see that following instructions is not an act of submission, but a life skill rooted in cooperation and trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, attentiveness and obedience are not blind acts; they are forms of discipline, humility, and respect for rightful guidance. When a child learns to listen and follow directions with sincerity, their character is being shaped in a way that honours both learning and a sense of accountability before Allah Almighty. 

The Importance of Patience in Learning 

The Quran teaches us that true understanding often comes through respectful listening and a trust in the guidance of those with knowledge, rather than through constant questioning or haste. This is a beautiful principle to keep in mind when guiding children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Kahf (18), Verse 69: 

‘(Prophet Musa AS)) said: “You will very soon find that I am with the will of Allah (Almighty), a patient person, and I shall not disobey you in any matter”.’ 

This story reminds us that even the great Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) had to practise patience and restraint when learning from his teacher, Al-Khidr. 

The Spiritual Discipline of Obedience 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that rightful obedience is what strengthens a community and builds character. When children learn to follow instructions with sincerity and respect, they are not only learning classroom manners, but also practising a form of spiritual discipline that aligns with divine guidance. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2859, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who obeys me has obeyed Allah, and the one who disobeys me has disobeyed Allah.’ 

Responding to a teacher’s concern with empathy and curiosity demonstrates to your child that guidance is not something to be feared, but something to be embraced. It shows them that an authority rooted in care and fairness is what helps us to grow. Through your calm engagement, your child can learn that listening is an act of respect, both towards people and towards the wisdom that Allah Almighty places in those who teach us. 

Over time, this balanced approach can help your child to associate obedience with a sense of dignity, not humiliation. They can begin to understand that following good instructions is what refines their character, sharpens their focus, and ultimately strengthens their faith. When handled with gentleness and consistency, this simple classroom issue can become a moment of lifelong learning, one that trains the heart to listen, reflect, and respond with grace.