How do I respond when property damage is the go-to revenge? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child starts breaking or damaging things out of anger, by slamming doors, snapping pencils, or tearing papers, it can feel shocking and deeply upsetting. You may feel helpless, angry, or even personally attacked. Behind the destruction of property, however, usually lies unmanaged frustration, a feeling of helplessness, or a craving for control. Your child is trying to communicate a sense of power through causing damage because they do not yet know how to express their pain through words. The task is to protect their safety, to hold firm boundaries, and to teach emotional regulation, without escalating their fear or shame. 

Ensure Safety First, Then Establish Calm 

If your child is in a destructive moment, your first responsibility is to ensure the safety of everyone present. You can remove any nearby breakable items or calmly escort them from the space if needed. Use short, clear phrases. 

‘I can see you are very angry, but breaking things is not allowed. I will stay nearby until you have calmed down.’ 

You should avoid shouting or matching their intensity. Your calmness provides the anchor that their emotional storm needs. 

Address the Behaviour Once Calm is Restored 

Once the anger has passed, you can address what happened with a steady seriousness. 

‘You were angry and you broke something. That is not how we handle our feelings. We will talk about how to make it right now.’ 

Avoid lecturing your child; you should keep your tone factual. This communicates that while their emotion was valid, their method of expressing it was unacceptable. The lesson will be most powerful after a sense of calm has been restored, not during the chaos. 

Insist on a Meaningful Act of Repair 

Children must experience the act of repair, not just offer an apology. 

• Have them help to fix or replace the damaged item. 

• If a replacement is not possible, you can assign them a helpful task to restore a sense of balance in the home. 

‘You damaged the lamp, so you will help to clean up and you can use some of your pocket money to go toward replacing it.’ 

This teaches the real life impact of destructive choices. The act of repair helps to turn a sense of guilt into one of responsibility, which is an essential moral step. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the concept of ghadab, or anger, is not forbidden; it is a natural human emotion. What matters is how we manage it. Causing harm to others or to property out of anger contradicts the values of restraint, justice, and mercy. Teaching your child to honour their feelings while controlling their actions is a spiritual act of self discipline. 

Controlling Anger and Preventing Harm in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’ 

This verse calls on believers to rise above any desire for vengeance and to choose forgiveness and calm over destruction. When you help your child to pause before lashing out, you are nurturing this spiritual strength, to feel anger, yet to choose mercy. 

The Moral Weight of Destruction in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who curses often, nor one who harms others, nor one who is foul or obscene in speech.’ 

This Hadith reminds us that a believer’s faith is reflected in how they treat both people and things. Damaging property out of revenge is a form of causing harm. Helping your child to repair the damage and to reform their ways teaches them how to live as a believer who protects, not one who destroys. It can transform a moment of emotional chaos into one of moral learning. 

When your child’s anger turns into the damage of property, your calm firmness becomes the lesson. By staying steady, enforcing an act of repair, and teaching new tools for emotional expression, you can show your child that their anger is manageable and that respect for people and property is non negotiable. Spiritually, your guidance mirrors the quality of divine mercy, firm in its boundary, yet full of hope.