How do I respond when one child targets the other’s body or appearance? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few words pierce more deeply than a hurtful comment about a child’s appearance, whether it is, ‘You are too fat,’ or, ‘Your teeth are strange.’ When these words come from a sibling, the pain is doubled, as the remark is not just an insult but also a betrayal of trust. What may seem like simple teasing to the speaker can shape the listener’s self-image for years to come. As a parent, your role is not just to address rudeness, but to protect your child’s self-worth and guide both children toward empathy, respect, and a confidence rooted in gratitude to Allah Almighty. 

Intervene with Calm Authority 

When a hurtful comment is made, you must act without delay, but also without shouting. The tone of your correction is as important as the words themselves. State clearly and firmly: 

‘We do not comment on anyone’s body in this house. Not to tease, not to joke, not at all.’ 

Your calm authority communicates that this is a non-negotiable family rule. Avoid dismissing the incident as ‘just teasing’ or ‘siblings being siblings.’ Comments about appearance are not harmless; they can plant the seeds of shame, insecurity, and lifelong comparison. 

Protect the Targeted Child 

Immediately turn to the child who was insulted and offer restorative words. 

• ‘You are exactly as Allah made you, and that is perfect.’ 

• ‘What was said was unkind and untrue. Your body deserves respect.’ 

If the insult was public, this affirmation should also be public. You are not just correcting a behaviour; you are repairing dignity in real time. Later, speak with them privately and gently about how they are feeling. Helping them to name the hurt can prevent it from turning inward. 

Address the Child Who Made the Comment 

Once the situation has calmed, have a private conversation with the child who made the comment. Ask questions that spark reflection, not shame: 

• ‘Why did you feel the need to say that?’ 

• ‘How would you feel if someone spoke about your body like that?’ 

Explain that mocking someone’s appearance is like mocking Allah’s creation, since we do not choose how we are made. A meaningful and logical consequence can help reinforce this lesson, but it should always be paired with reflection, not humiliation. 

Establish a ‘No Body Talk’ Rule 

Create a simple and clear family principle: ‘We never talk about our own bodies or anyone else’s, unless it is to thank Allah or to take care of our health.’ 

Repeat this rule often and model it in your own conversations. Avoid self-criticism or making negative comments about the appearance of others. This helps your children understand that physical appearance is not a source of judgement or entertainment. 

Teach the Language of Gratitude 

Shift the focus from appearance to gratitude. Encourage your children to speak in terms of thankfulness (shukr) for their bodies as a trust from Allah, not as mere decoration. You can model this by saying things like: 

• ‘Alhamdulillah for my strong legs that help me run.’ 

• ‘Alhamdulillah for my smile that helps others feel welcome.’ 

Over time, your children will learn to see themselves and others through the lens of gratitude, not comparison. Your consistent stance will teach both children that words about bodies carry moral weight, and that love means protecting, not exposing, one another’s vulnerabilities. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the human body is a trust (amana) from Allah Almighty, designed perfectly for each soul. To mock someone’s physical form is not only unkind but spiritually hazardous, for it is an insult to what Allah Himself has chosen to create. Raising children who respect their own bodies and those of others is a fundamental part of nurturing their iman (faith) and adab (moral refinement). 

The Dignity of Creation in the Quran 

The Quran teaches us that every person’s form, including their height, colour, and features, is an intentional act of divine wisdom. When we teach our children not to insult another’s appearance, we are teaching them to have reverence for Allah’s design. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Teen (95), Verse 4: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created mankind with the best (designed) specification.’ 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Warning Against Contempt 

Belittling others, whether for their appearance, status, or mistakes, is a corruption of one’s moral character. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never mocked anyone’s physical traits; instead, he uplifted hearts and dignified souls. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 235, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough evil for a man to hold his brother Muslim in contempt.’ 

Teaching this prophetic example to your children connects their words directly to their faith, reminding them that kindness is an act of worship. 

When one child targets another’s body, it is a moment to shape far more than their behaviour; it is a chance to shape their entire worldview. Your calm authority protects the wounded heart, while your spiritual framing nurtures an awareness of divine design. Over time, your children will learn that every body is sacred, every soul is worthy, and kindness is the only beauty that truly lasts.