How do I respond when one child sabotages the other’s chance at a reward? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child sabotages their sibling’s opportunity to earn a reward, the behaviour often stems from jealousy, insecurity, or a simple desire for attention. Although this behaviour can be upsetting, it is crucial to respond with calm authority rather than visible frustration. This teaches children that fairness is far more important than ‘winning’. 

Address the Behaviour Calmly and Firmly 

Deliberate interference is not acceptable, and you must explain clearly how such actions harm the trust within the family. 

Separate the Action from the Consequence 

Avoid collective punishment by taking the reward away from both children. Instead, it is important to acknowledge the child who rightfully earned the reward and address the sibling who interfered in private. This approach upholds fairness and prevents resentment from growing between them. By separating recognition from correction, you send a clear message that hard work is valued and that dishonesty will not be allowed to succeed. 

Teach Repair and Responsibility 

Encourage the child who sabotaged to take steps to repair the situation. This could involve offering a sincere apology, helping their sibling with a chore, or performing another act of kindness to make amends. This process helps them understand that broken trust can be restored through positive action. Over time, this focus on restoration discourages rivalry and cultivates empathy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense importance on justice (′adl), even within the closest family relationships. Children must be guided to understand that harming another for personal gain contradicts the values that are beloved by Allah Almighty. 

Upholding Justice as a Core Islamic Value 

Upholding fairness in small matters, such as family rewards, prepares a child’s heart to live with honesty and integrity in more significant affairs later in life. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that the principle of justice must prevail, even when our emotions are strong. 

The Virtue of Being Just 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith132 9, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Judgement will be the just leader.’ 

While this hadith specifically mentions leaders, its wisdom extends to every individual. It teaches that Allah Almighty loves those who uphold fairness in all their affairs. By teaching children that sabotaging a sibling’s success is an act of injustice, parents help them develop integrity from a young age. 

By responding with calm fairness, upholding justice, and guiding your children to repair any harm done, you teach them a vital lesson. You show them that rewards in your home are not merely about outcomes, but about honesty, trust, and living by the values that are pleasing to Allah Almighty.