How do I respond when my children compete over praise or attention from guests or relatives? 

Parenting Perspective 

Redirect Gently, Do not Scold Publicly 

It is natural for children to seek approval from guests, and this can easily turn into a competition between siblings. The challenge is to manage this without discouraging their confidence. When one child interrupts the other, avoid scolding them publicly, as this can create more insecurity. Instead, gently redirect the conversation: ‘It is wonderful that you both have things to share. Let’s hear from one at a time.’ This simple intervention ensures each child feels valued without fuelling the rivalry. 

Share the Attention Fairly 

Parents can proactively manage this by highlighting a different, positive quality in each child. For example, you could say, ‘Aisha is our family artist, and Ahmed has been a great help in the garden this week.’ By giving equal but distinct recognition, you show that each child is valued for their unique strengths. This helps to ensure that no single child feels overshadowed. 

Offer Private Reassurance and Set Boundaries 

After the guests have left, it is a good idea to affirm each child individually. Reassure them that you are proud of them, regardless of who received the most attention. If one child is consistently seeking validation, it may be a sign that they need more focused one-on-one time with you. This helps to build their inner security and lessens their need for constant external approval. 

Spiritual Insight 

Worldly Competition is Fleeting 

Islam teaches that competing for worldly praise and recognition is a temporary distraction. True and lasting value is found not in the attention of people, but in one’s sincerity and humility before Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 20: 

‘ Note that indeed, the life of this world is only: a drama; and amusement; and ostentatious; and superficial bragging between yourselves; and unbridled desire for capitalism and offspring…’ 

True Honour is in Humility 

The prophetic tradition reminds us that real honour and status come from Allah, and they are granted to those who practise humility for His sake, not to those who boast and compete for the spotlight. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, 4176, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever humbles himself for the sake of Allah, Allah will raise him in status.’ 

Seeking Allah’s Pleasure, Not People’s Praise 

By nurturing this perspective, you can guide your children to understand that while praise from people is nice, their true worth is found in their character and their sincerity before Allah. This helps to reframe the idea of competition into a personal journey of self-improvement and strengthens their bond as siblings.