How do I respond when my child claims they always get the hardest jobs? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child insists, they are repeatedly given the most difficult tasks, it is essential to acknowledge their feelings while upholding fairness. The first step is to listen attentively, allowing them to express their frustration without interruption. This validates their emotions and can reduce defensiveness. Responding with a calm and empathetic statement, such as, “I hear that you feel these jobs are tougher than the others,” shows you are taking their perspective seriously and keeps the conversation constructive. 

Explain Job Rotation and Fairness 

Clearly explain the system you use to assign tasks. Emphasise that jobs are rotated or shared specifically to ensure everyone is treated fairly, and that what one person finds difficult, another might not. You could say, “Some days you are responsible for the table, and on other days your sibling is. Everyone has a turn with all the different tasks.” Using visual aids, such as a chore chart or a weekly rotation schedule, makes this system tangible. It helps children see that fairness is built into the process and is not a personal judgment. 

Encourage Reflection and Problem-Solving 

Invite your child to become part of the solution. Ask questions like, “What do you think could make this task feel easier or more manageable for you?” This approach shifts the focus from complaining to problem-solving, empowering them with a sense of agency while still reinforcing their responsibility. Acknowledge and praise any constructive suggestions they offer. Implementing their feasible ideas shows that their input is valued, which teaches them vital skills in negotiation and resilience without undermining the fairness of the system for others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice and Fairness as Family Foundations 

Islamic teachings emphasise fairness (‘Adl) as one of the highest moral principles, particularly within close relationships such as the family. When a parent listens to a child’s complaint with patience and transparency, it reflects the divine command to act with justice in all dealings — even those that seem small. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 58: 
‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This verse reminds parents that fairness is not limited to courts or public matters; it extends to the home, where children first learn what justice feels like. Explaining how chores are rotated and ensuring the system is transparent allows children to witness fairness in action, deepening their trust and emotional security. 

Compassion in Correcting Perceptions 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled justice with gentleness, ensuring that correction was always paired with kindness. When a parent calmly validates a child’s feelings before clarifying facts, they mirror the Prophet’s ﷺ approach — upholding truth while protecting the child’s dignity. 

It is recorded in Mishkat Al Masabih, Hadith 3252–3253, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 
‘The best of you are those who are best in dealings with their family.’ 

This hadith captures the essence of fairness anchored in compassion. When parents treat children’s frustrations as opportunities for understanding rather than defiance, they embody this prophetic wisdom. 

Turning Complaints into Cooperation 

By grounding fairness in Islamic values, parents teach that justice is not only about equal division of tasks but about mutual respect, listening, and balance. This transforms complaints into conversations and chores into character-building opportunities. Such guidance nurtures humility, gratitude, and empathy — teaching children that fairness is not merely enforced by others but lived within themselves as a moral and spiritual virtue.