Parenting Perspective 

When a relative tells your child, ‘Do not tell your parents’, it can feel like a direct challenge to the bond of trust you are building. Children thrive when they know that their parents are their safest space, where nothing needs to be hidden. A request for secrecy from an outsider threatens that security, so your response must protect your child’s confidence in you without creating unnecessary family conflict. 

Reassuring Your Child Immediately 

As soon as you hear such a statement, it is important to gently but clearly reassure your child of their safety with you. You might say: 

• ‘In our family, you can always tell us anything, no matter what anyone else says.’ 

• ‘We will always listen to you with love, and you never need to be worried.’ 

• ‘If someone asks you to keep a secret from us, it is always safe to still share it with us.’ 

This immediate affirmation tells your child that your relationship with them is stronger than anyone else’s words. It also empowers them to resist unhealthy requests for secrecy in the future. 

Addressing the Relative with Wisdom 

Responding to the relative requires tact. In front of the child, it is best to keep your tone calm but firm: ‘In our family, we encourage our children to always share everything with us’. Later, in private, you can explain your position respectfully: ‘We feel very worried when our child is told to hide something from us, as it weakens the trust that we are working so hard to build’. This allows you to uphold your boundaries without shaming the person publicly. 

Modelling Openness and Safety 

Children learn more from what they see than from what they are told. You can reinforce the message that your home is a safe space by being open yourself. Share stories about your own childhood, including mistakes you may have made, to show them that being truthful never leads to rejection. By consistently modelling openness, you anchor your child’s confidence that honesty is not just expected, but welcomed with love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Any secrecy that seeks to divide a child from their parents is harmful. Islam places immense importance on the values of trust (amānah) and truthfulness. The role of a parent in Islam is not just to provide for a child materially, but to protect their faith and their trust from being shaken. 

A Quranic Reminder on Fulfilling Trusts 

The Quran reminds us that fulfilling our trusts is a divine command. For parents, this includes ensuring that their children know they can confide in them openly, and that no outsider can undermine their role as their child’s primary guardians. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This reminds us that our role as trusted protectors for our children is a duty from Allah. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Honesty 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that breaking a trust is a grave flaw in a person’s character. Teaching children that trust must never be betrayed helps them to value honesty as a part of their faith. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 33, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.’ 

This teaches us that protecting the trust between parent and child is a reflection of one’s integrity. 

When you respond with calm firmness, you are not only protecting your child emotionally but are also teaching them that Islam honours truth, openness, and trust as sacred values. This guidance will help your child to grow into a person who feels safe with their parents and strong in their faith.