How do I respond if my child copies speaking to elders in a dismissive tone? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is deeply upsetting to hear your child speak to an elder in a dismissive tone, especially when you know they are imitating what they have seen from peers, in media, or even from other adults. This behaviour undermines the core value of respect and can become a harmful habit if left unaddressed. Your role is to intervene calmly but firmly, establishing a clear and non-negotiable standard that elders must be addressed with dignity. 

Why Children Copy Dismissive Speech 

Understanding the motivation behind this behaviour allows you to correct it with wisdom, not just with anger. Children often copy a dismissive tone because: 

• They believe it makes them appear bold, confident, or “grown-up.” 

• They have observed others using this tone without immediate negative consequences. 

• They are testing boundaries to see how much disrespect will be tolerated. 

Set Firm Boundaries on Tone 

When your child uses a dismissive or careless tone with an elder, it is important to stop the conversation and make the rule unmistakably clear. 

‘That tone of voice is not respectful. Please try again, and speak in a way that shows honour.’ 

This teaches your child that their tone matters just as much as their words. 

Model Respect in Your Own Speech 

Children will absorb how you speak to elders far more than they will listen to your lectures. Ensure that your own tone when addressing grandparents, teachers, or older relatives is consistently courteous and attentive. Your actions provide the most powerful and convincing example for them to follow. 

Teach Alternatives to Dismissiveness 

Help your child practise polite phrases that still allow them to disagree or express their feelings without being rude. 

• ‘I do not agree with that, but I will listen to your point of view.’ 

• ‘May I please explain my side respectfully?’ 

Equipping them with these verbal tools gives them a way to communicate honestly without resorting to a dismissive attitude. 

Reinforce Positive Speech 

When you observe your child speaking respectfully to an elder, especially in a challenging moment, be sure to highlight it later. 

‘I noticed how politely you answered your grandfather, even when you were in a hurry. That shows real maturity and good manners.’ 

By correcting dismissiveness immediately and praising respectful speech, you make dignity the expected standard in your family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam establishes respect for elders as a core value of faith. Speaking to them in a dismissive tone is not just poor manners; it is a sign of arrogance, while humility and gentleness are reflections of true belief. Children must learn that the way they address their elders is a measure of their respect for Allah’s commands. 

Believers are commanded to treat their parents and elders with mercy and humility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 24: 

‘ And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”.‘ 

This verse teaches that gentle words and a humble posture before our elders, especially our parents, are acts of both mercy and worship. 

Disrespect for elders is contrary to the character of a believer. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This hadith makes it clear that showing respect is not an optional extra; it is a defining characteristic of a Muslim. By guiding your child to abandon dismissive tones, you are not only protecting their manners but also nurturing their spiritual growth. They learn that respect for elders is a mark of sincerity and faithfulness to Allah.