How do I replace copied wrongs with positive habits? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child imitates negative behaviour like shouting or being rude, simply telling them to stop is often not enough. If a negative action is forbidden without offering a better alternative, the unwanted habit is likely to return. The most effective approach is to actively replace the negative behaviour with a positive one, teaching your child what they should do instead of only what they should not.

 

Redirect with a Positive Alternative 

As soon as you see your child imitating a negative action, calmly intervene and guide them toward a positive opposite. This immediate redirection is crucial for learning. 

• If they copy hitting, gently guide their hand and say, ‘Hands are for helping and being gentle. Can you show me a gentle hand?’ 

• If they copy shouting, model a calm voice and say, ‘Let us use our quiet voices inside. Please try asking me again softly.’ 

• If they copy throwing objects in frustration, you can offer a safe outlet, like a cushion to squeeze. 

Practise Alternatives Through Role-Play 

Children learn effectively through practice and rehearsal in a low-pressure environment. You can act out common scenarios and guide them toward the correct response. 

• Pretend a friend takes a toy and ask, ‘Instead of pushing, what words could we use?’ 

• Let them practise saying phrases like, ‘Please may I have a turn?’ or ‘Stop, I do not like that.’ 

Repeating these actions during play helps the positive habit become more natural in real-life situations. 

Establish Positive Daily Routines 

Incorporate good behaviour into your child’s daily life until it becomes second nature. The more you build positive routines, the less opportunity there is for negative ones to take root. 

• You could start a ‘kindness challenge’, where each family member does one helpful thing for someone else each day. 

• Make saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ a consistent expectation. 

• Introduce a brief reflection at bedtime: ‘What is one good choice you are proud of today?’ 

Acknowledge and Praise Positive Choices 

Every time your child successfully replaces a negative impulse with a positive action, acknowledge their effort. Positive reinforcement is a powerful motivator. 

• ‘I love how you used your kind words just now instead of shouting.’ 

• ‘You remembered to ask for a turn instead of grabbing. That was a wonderful choice.’ 

Celebrating their progress will reinforce their efforts and encourage them to continue practising these new habits. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance from the Quran 

Islam teaches that the most effective way to deal with negativity is to overcome it with positivity and goodness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Fussilat (41), Verse 34: 

‘And the good actions cannot be equivalent to the mistaken action; (therefore) repel (your mistaken action) with that which is a good action; so, when (you discover) that there is enmity between you and them, (your patience and resilience shall transform them) as if he was a devoted friend.’ 

This powerful verse teaches a profound principle: we should not just resist evil, but actively repel it with something better. By guiding your child to replace a negative habit with a positive one, you are teaching them to apply this Quranic wisdom in their own lives. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ remind us that mistakes are opportunities for growth and can be rectified through good deeds. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 705, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Follow up a bad deed with a good one, and it will erase it.’ 

This Hadith offers a message of hope and resilience. By teaching your child to follow a wrong action with a positive one, you are instilling in them a sense of responsibility and the understanding that they always have the power to make a better choice and correct their path.