Parenting Perspective 

When trying to reinstate equal responsibilities after past imbalances in the family dynamic, it is essential to focus on the present and future, rather than continually revisiting past errors. Constantly rehashing previous mistakes can prevent progress and stop children from feeling trusted. The goal is to reset expectations for each child while providing a clear, fair framework for shared responsibilities. Acknowledging the past without dwelling on it and shifting the focus to fairness and personal growth is key to restoring balance. 

Acknowledge the Past, But Focus on the Future 

While it is important to acknowledge any imbalances that may have existed, it is crucial not to dwell on past mistakes. Briefly acknowledging the past and clearly stating that the goal now is equality will help the family focus on making positive changes. 

• What to do: Start by saying something like, ‘I know I have made mistakes in the past, and I have learned from them. Now, I want to make sure that everyone has an equal share of responsibilities moving forward.’ 

• Why it works: Acknowledging the past but focusing on the future shows that you are now committed to fair treatment and equal responsibility. 

Set Clear, Consistent Expectations 

Reinstating equal responsibilities means being clear and transparent about what is expected of each child, regardless of past mistakes. Ensure that responsibilities are clearly outlined, with specific tasks assigned to each child based on age and ability. 

• What to do: Sit down with your children and go over the new responsibilities. For example, ‘Here is what we are going to do together as a family. I want each of you to have certain tasks so that everyone is equally contributing.’ 

• Why it works: Clear expectations and structure help everyone understand their role in the family and avoid confusion or resentment. 

Incorporate Natural Consequences 

When reintroducing equal responsibilities, it is helpful to incorporate natural consequences for not fulfilling them. This means that if a responsibility is not carried out, there should be a reasonable consequence, but without linking it to past mistakes. 

• What to do: If a child fails to fulfil a responsibility, say something like, ‘I noticed you did not complete your task today. Because of that, we will not be able to do something you were looking forward to later.’ 

• Why it works: Natural consequences encourage children to understand that their actions have consequences, without linking them to past errors. 

Avoid Creating Hierarchies Based on Mistakes 

It is important to ensure that no child feels they are being treated as less capable due to past mistakes. Reinstating equal responsibilities requires that you do not create hierarchies based on who made a mistake earlier. 

• What to do: Reassure your children that their worth and role in the family is not determined by past mistakes. You could say, ‘We are starting fresh now. Everyone is responsible for something, and I trust you all to help.’ 

• Why it works: Promoting equality and trust in responsibilities helps restore the sense of fairness in the family. 

Encourage Positive Reinforcement 

When reintroducing equal responsibilities, it is important to reinforce positive behaviour. Complimenting children when they complete their tasks helps them feel appreciated. 

• What to do: Provide positive feedback for responsible actions, like, ‘Thank you for completing your tasks today. I really appreciate how you are helping around the house.’ 

• Why it works: Positive reinforcement encourages children to continue fulfilling their responsibilities with a sense of pride and accomplishment. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Fairness and Capacity 

The noble Quran serves as a reminder that fairness is not about burdening anyone beyond their capacity, but about distributing responsibilities in a way that is manageable and fair to all. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

Equal responsibilities are not about imposing a heavy load on any one person but ensuring that each individual has a fair chance to contribute within their abilities. 

The Value of Good Behaviour 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ remind us that our actions and behaviour toward others should reflect our commitment to fairness and kindness. Reinstating equal responsibilities means ensuring consistency and balance in your approach. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3264, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best in their behaviour.’ 

By acting in a way that demonstrates fairness and integrity, you can restore harmony and trust in the family. By acknowledging past mistakes and setting clear, fair expectations, you can reinstate equal responsibilities without lingering in past errors.