How do I reduce tantrums when we play simple family games? 

Parenting Perspective 

Family games are meant to be a source of joy, bonding, and laughter. Yet for many parents, what is intended to be a fun evening often ends in tears, shouting, or sulking when a child has a tantrum over losing. This can make parents dread playing games altogether. The good news is that tantrums are not a sign that your child is ‘bad’ or incapable; they are simply signals that your child is struggling to manage big feelings. With patience and a clear structure, you can transform family game nights into a positive training ground for emotional resilience. 

Prepare Them Before Playing 

Children cope far better with challenges when they know what to expect. Before any game begins, take a moment to set clear and simple expectations: 

• ‘Remember, in this game, sometimes we will win and sometimes we will lose. The most important rule is that we all finish calmly.’ 

• Keep games short and appropriate for their age to avoid them becoming overwhelmed or losing focus. 

This guidance beforehand helps to frame the game as an exercise in patience, not just a competition to be won. 

Stay Calm During Tantrums 

When a tantrum begins, your calm response is the most important tool you have: 

• Avoid the temptation to argue or scold loudly, as this will only fuel the emotional fire. 

• Acknowledge their feelings: ‘I can see you are very upset that you did not win that round.’ 

• Set firm but calm limits: ‘It is okay to feel upset, but it is not okay to shout or throw the game pieces.’ 

This balance of empathy and firm but calm limits is crucial for helping your child learn to regulate their own emotions. 

Offer Alternatives to Meltdowns 

Show your child acceptable ways to express their frustration before it escalates: 

• Taking a short break: ‘Let us pause the game for a minute, and then we can continue.’ 

• Using calming words: Encourage them to say, ‘I feel upset, but I will try again.’ 

• Asking for a hug or a drink of water before continuing the game. 

By providing these alternatives, you are replacing destructive behaviours with healthier coping tools. 

Praise Positive Behaviour 

Make sure to notice and praise them when they manage even a small improvement in their response: 

• ‘I am so proud of how you stayed calm when you did not get to take your turn first.’ 

• ‘You felt upset, but you took a deep breath and came back to the game. That shows real strength.’ 

Positive reinforcement is a far more powerful motivator for repeating good behaviour than punishment ever could be. 

Make Games a Safe Learning Space 

Sometimes, tantrums can stem from a fear of judgement or disappointing you. Reassure your child that games are a safe space: 

• ‘It is okay to make mistakes when we play. Family games are for practice, not for perfection.’ 

• Try introducing some cooperative games where the family works together as a team, so they can experience the joy of a shared goal. 

In time, the tantrums will lessen as your child learns that family games are primarily about connection, not just outcomes. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, patience and self-control are considered true marks of strength. Helping your child to manage tantrums during family games is about more than just having smoother evenings; it is a profound opportunity to shape their character in line with the Islamic values of restraint, mercy, and respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse reminds us that demonstrating patience in moments of intense frustration is a sign of true strength and determination. When you teach your child to pause, breathe, and return calmly to a game, you are helping them to live by this divine guidance. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by force, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ 

This hadith directly connects real strength to the ability to manage one’s own emotions. When your child learns to play without having a tantrum, they are practising the very definition of strength that our Prophet taught us. 

By linking these small family games to profound spiritual values, you show your child that life is not about overpowering others but about mastering self-control, patience, and kindness. Over time, the tantrums will fade and be replaced by moments of dignity and grace. 

Every family game then becomes more than simple entertainment. It evolves into a safe and loving classroom where children can practise the virtues of patience, humility, and compassion. In this way, even a simple board game becomes a tool to help raise a child who is strong in character, gentle in manners, and deeply rooted in their faith.