Parenting Perspective 

Older children and teenagers often feel embarrassed or resentful if they are corrected loudly, especially in front of their friends or other family members. Public reminders can make them defensive, which can lead to backtalk or further misbehaviour. A quieter, more respectful approach is far more effective, as it shows that you trust their maturity while still holding them accountable. 

Use Discreet Signals 

Before attending a social gathering, you can agree on a few simple, non-verbal cues to use as reminders. This could be a gentle hand on their shoulder, a particular look, or a quiet hand gesture that only the two of you understand. This allows you to communicate your expectation and correct their behaviour without causing public embarrassment. 

Speak Briefly and Calmly 

If words are necessary, keep them brief, quiet, and private. Leaning in to whisper a short phrase like, ‘Remember what we agreed,’ or ‘Please use respectful words,’ makes the reminder feel supportive and discreet, rather than confrontational. 

Reinforce Later in Private 

A public setting is not the right place for a detailed discussion about behaviour. It is much more effective to talk through the expectations later on, in a calm and private moment. For example: ‘I noticed you seemed a bit restless during dinner. Let’s remember the family rule about staying seated until everyone is finished.’ This keeps your discipline firm but respectful. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a strong emphasis on gentle correction and the importance of preserving a person’s dignity. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known to correct people with immense wisdom and kindness, never shaming them publicly when it could be avoided. 

The Wisdom of Gentle Instruction 

The Quran teaches that guidance should always be delivered in a way that is gentle, wise, and respectful of the person being addressed. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘ Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

The Value of Good or Silent Speech 

The prophetic tradition teaches us that our words should always be chosen carefully. Sometimes, silence or a subtle, non-verbal reminder is a wiser and more effective path than speaking. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 705, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.’ 

By quietly reminding your older children of your expectations, you are embodying the Islamic virtues of wisdom and mercy. Your child learns that discipline can be both calm and respectful, which helps them to internalise important values without feeling shamed or resentful.